When i was your age...

… we had to to set up skill chains and magic bursts. TAs were necessary. We had to walk, 500 yalms to camp. In the snow. With no shoes.

God I really feel old when it comes to this game. So many concepts have become a thing of the past or soooo rarely used. 25k/h or gtfo! Hell, I remember when 10k/h was godly. Jobs like Sam were among the LOL, now so over powered that when the updates roll around they are the first thing people bitch about. Fire Crystals use to be income… now they just pay for your warp to WG.

But Night! Things change.

No shit. In the short 8 years this game has been out. FF has really seen it all. Jobs becoming stronger, weaker, then stronger again. Economy fluxing. Play styles changed more then you change your underwear.

Playing for as long as I have, you tend to get sent in your “ways”. Like I’m currently leveling Pld (yes, I'm leveling another damn job). Now, when one thinks of a Paladin, one thinks brick wall that can cure. Even though that is still true, because of how play style has changed, Plds gear their play style toward more of the “DD” side of things.

Some jobs don’t even use their main weapon. Sam’s like to use Polearm, I’ve heard Nin’s using Daggers, Mnks with Staffs. Now yes, I know thats all very situational. Bird Meripos, Pots, etc. Nothing is wrong with that, just takes an older player like myself a minute to get their mind around that.

Personally, I love a lot of the new play styles. But I think we’ve gotten to use to the soft and squishy of ToAU, and forgotten what real party dynamics are. I’m not surprised when I’m in an End Game shell and someone doesn’t know what a MB is, or how to do a SC. All we want PT wise is fast, fast and easy. If the PT isn’t doing 10k/k exp, outside of a meripo, the PT is doing it wrong. And the fact that the FFXI community has classified most of the jobs as useless, doesn’t help things.

I really do miss the days of planning out SCs and MBs to make the mob drop before Voke timer was up. Where mobs posed a real threat.

With SE dropping the lvl cap 99 on us. My hopes is that they force us to go back to that old skool way of PTing. But with 45k+ tnls, if it’s not more of the same ToAU crap, too many people will bitch, whine and moan that it takes to long to lvl. Personally I would rather slower EXP for more engaging fights. Something that requires me to pay attention and be 3 steps ahead.

But unfortunately, no matter how much SE fucks up this game. I can’t leave. FFXI has been too unique to quit. Most other, if not all other, MMORPGs out there are “twitch” style game play where you just spam out all your skill and spells. FFXI has been something I have not seen in a game outside of older single player RPGs.

FFXI in my honest opinion, did it right. Does it have the 9000 billion member that WoW has. No. Never will. Cuz FFXI is not an action game. It, in its base, is a Real Time Strategy. Yes, it can be mindless. But really requires thinking and planning.

I will be here till the end. As the last /servmes pops up telling me to /logout cuz the servers are shutting down forever. I’ll be sitting at the waters edge in Purgonorgo Isle, next Dark, reminiscing about the good times, the bad times, and everything in-between.

But until then…

No update this week, the web was out all weekend, thanks comcast. Along with lack of inspiration, means I have not been writing this week. Sad Kitty may have one soon.

Yay for technical difficulties!

My FF Wish List…Part I

Changes are coming. Level cap is increasing, changes will be made to jobs and merits, but are they are going to be the changes that we really want? Are they going to be things that we can actually use or is it going to be yet another form of Curaga that is that pretty much useless? I greet every promise of job update with great trepidation. For every good update like Composure there is shit like nerfing Modus Veritas. So I present to you my wish list. The things that I whisper into that Goblin dresses as Santa in Rolanberry Fields every year and have yet to get. I have been good, really I have.

Part I Job Adjustments.

Red Mage: The job near and dear to my heart. Being a jack of trades there are several ways to augment the job without the fear of “overpowering it” Face it every job is overpowered if played right.

1. Refresh II: At level 99 we better get Refresh II. 5MP/tick with a 5minute Duration.

2. More enhancing magic: Haste II, Regen II better Phalanx. Anything, Red Mages have the highest enhancing magic in the game and all we have to show for it is shitty EnSpell IIs that really aren’t up to snuff.

3. Improved Combat ratings: I am not saying A+, but I would like to see A or A- for Sword and Dagger. Red Mage Tanking is popular(and fun), so even increases in Evasion and Parrying would nice. I know that everyone knows that lucky RDM, (read: me) who Parries and Evades things that a RDM should never have a chance against but it would be night to have to rely on more than that the gracious blessings of Altana.

4. More Options for Enhancing Convert: Red Mage Mythic is a nice idea, but not the easiest item in the world to obtain. I would like to see a few more options for enhancing convert. Especially with the level cap increase allowing access to convert as a support job.

White Mage: To be perfectly honest, I hate this job. I hate this job for the same reason you rarely play Red Mage in EXP/Merit Parties: IT BORES THE FUCK OUT OF ME! With that being said it is still the best main healing job in game. White Mage does not need much, just a few tweaks to help in back in the top slot of healing jobs.

1. Enmity Reduction Ability: Cast Cure IV, I dare you, go ahead I’ll wait… Now that you are weakened you understand that once you cast Cure IV you have just screamed “I’VE BEEN BAD, SPANK ME!!!” in a room full of Dominatrix’s. There is a need for WHM to be able to shed or reduce enmity when casting cure spells. Even incorporating this into Afflatus Solace/Misery would be nice. Also it would make them a touch more useful.

2. Regen Potency: I love Regen. Effective use of Regen meant I leveling my WHM without Refresh most of the time. Even with merits and Relic Body there is still much that can be done to augment this highly powerful spell. I would like to see more items that have Regen Potency much like Cure Potency works.

3. I had a third one I swear…

Paladin: The following is stated as opinion only. I am not a PLD, nor do I play one on TV. I am however a friend to many PLD and President of the Elvaan Paladin Stalkers group. /drool. In my never humble opinion Paladins are the only true Tanks in the game. Yes a lot of jobs can tank, but PLD is one that was built for it. With all that being said, we need to do something to get them top place back in the Tank ranks.

1. Flash II: Shorter Recast timer and greater enmity accrual. Flash is truly a Paladins best friend, this would just elevate it to BFF status.

2. Auto Refresh II: When you ask someone why they don’t want a Paladin in a EXP/Merit party their first gripe in always, “they need MP and ruin chain” Giving PLDs and Auto-Refresh II would increase their overall sustainability.

3. Cover 2.0: This one actually comes from Sad Kitty. Make Cover a hard 30 second duration, lower recast to 1 minutes and remove the position requirement, by making it all damage is diverted to the Paladin.

Dancer: Dancer is Bard –1, White Mage –1 Red Mage –1 and Thief –1 all rolled into one semi-useable package. I must say, I like the idea of dancer but they are overall useless outside of a sub-job for those campaign happy players who don’t natively have MP. When looking over the DNC job abilities and traits their short list of “Dances” limits just how usable they can be. I mean even in the Crystal War era they were too busy dancing on tables in San d’Oria, wait those girls are underage they are not table dancing they are participating in a distance learning program to further their education. Down to the nitty gritty, what can make a dancer useful?

1. Auto-Regain: I would say give them meditate but then league of SAMs would be beating down my mog house door pissing and moaning about how meditate is an ancient Samurai secret, but a 1TP/tic Auto-Regain similar to the Auto-Regen/Refresh job trait that other jobs get would make it do a Dancer could actually pretend to deal damage.

2. Rapture Jig: Essentially Meditate Jig. It would be something that the DNC could only use on themselves that would give them a Refresh style ability. Note that I am not stating to give them both Auto-Regain and a Regain Dance, but laying out options that could be implemented.

3. Useful Dances: I am not sure how to sum this one up, but when I look over what the DNC does get it makes me sad. Three Enfeebles, a half-voke, lolgravity, and a Stun that will only proc if you have already blown TP on 5/5 Stutter Step and have saved up enough finishing moves so that you can use it. This is why we never see DNCs in endgame.

Okay, that is a enough for now. I think that I have given my fair readers enough reading to do. This is only part one of my list, but do not expect to see every job listed here. There are many jobs that people believe will need updates, but sadly I will disagree. Take my beloved Samurai, even Slasher kitty who shares a wonderful long-term relationship with SAM see no real improvements needed. The only thing I would say for SAM is to ungimp Overwhelm. Until next time I am off to lay waste to hordes of something that needs to die.

To Be Continued…

SE I applaud you….just this once.

/clap…There it is done. That one was for you SE. Do not get used to it. In the 7 years I have played this game you have done one fucking thing that deserves you applause. What pray tell was this clap inspiring act? Just a little thing call Odin and Alexander. I applaud SE not for giving SMNs new summons, since really they did not need them, but for making this such a bitch to get and so situational to use.

Now don’t get me wrong. I like SMN, know some great ones. I even think that it can be a very useful job beyond that of a gimp healer, but they did not need anymore summons. SMNs have a full wheel of Avatars, even getting two dark based Avatars. However SMNs are some whiney bastards and pissed and moaned, so SE relented and gave them Alex and Odin. Two brand new summons that can only be used every two hours since they can only be called out under the effect of Astral Flow. Even better than that is that they only get one ability each. PS: Odin’s Astral Flow can MISS!!!

Oh, but my sweet kiddies you might be thinking wow, what a slap in the face, but it does in fact get better than that. In order to obtain both of these albeit cool to look at avatars you have complete Treasures of Aht Urhgan mission #44, as in you have to have COMPLETED ToAu in order to obtain them. So all SMNs have to get off of there collective asses and do more than just what was needed to get mercenary status. I smiled. I smiled like I have not smiled before.

Meet (Insert Adjective Here) Kitty

Some say she only eats dirt, and that she once had an inappropriate relationship with a Polearm… All we know is, she’s called Nightcrew.

Yes, after years of hearing about me, I’m finally saying hi.

I have been playing on and off since it was released in the for the PC, 8 years ago. But I have only been playing for 4-5 years straight now. Meeting our “Favorite Rdm” was really the big thing why I stayed. I would play for a few months, get frustrated, quit, play something else, get the bug to play FF again, play FF for a few months, etc, etc, etc… But this time around, things were different. I didn’t get frustrated. I was having fun. So I stayed.

You all have heard me referred to as “Pokey Kitty”, “Slasher Kitty”, “Boom Boom Kitty” and many more.

My name is Nightcrew, and i have Job A.D.D. … kinda.

I have leveled many jobs to 75. Nin, Sam, Drg, Blm, Mnk and Blu. I like them, but there’s not enough time and space to play all of them (and also i hate Nin). So Nin is fully retired, Drg is out of the picture till SE makes the not so crap, and Mnk is… well all the gear I have for Mnk is R/E so even tho I don’t really use it… I have all the gear ready, lol.

My main is Sam. I love Sam. I think he’s cute… oops, wrong Sam…

I just fell in love with it. I like how is pumps out a steady flow of damage while being able to live if you become too “friendly” with the mob.

Blm was leveled as more of a “Oh snap, we’re a Blm short for event” and instead of having to cancel or spend another hour trying to rework shit, I would have a Blm in the wing waiting. But my Old LS seem to forget that i have a nicely geared Sam and only wanted my Blm. I have a love/hate thing with Blm cuz of this.

Blu is my newest baby. I feel that Blu is an awesome job. Like Rdm can fill a lot of different roll. Can dish out nice DD, enfeeble, cure (not well but can in a pinch), has waaay to many Sleepgas for its own good, can tank… the list go on. The only pisser with Blu for me is the Blu Points. I understand why… but would like to have more.

I am one of those players that right on the line of casual player and hardcore player. I love to just fuck around and do stupid shit. But I also love a good event LS, doing Sky, Sea, etc. I do tend to burn out real quick. But FFXI does offer enough to help break up the monotony… if I just get up off my lazy ass and do them >.>

But that is me. In a Nutshell. Really bad at ending posts. Bye!

Welcome (Back) to my Rage.

Good Things are worth waiting on…

I have returned to dust away the cobwebs.  I know that it has been quite awhile since everyone’s favorite Red Mage has slinked out the woodwork to step upon her soapbox, but sadly I was born without the blogging gene. Thanks to advancement in modern science I am seeking illegal gene therapy in order to acquire it.  I know it has been along time, but sadly there has been a lot in my life that has changed. My life outside of Vana’diel has been interrupted by illness and the death of my father. The past year has turned my entire world upside and it has taken awhile to pick up the pieces.

I see it as only fitting thou that with new life being breathed into Vana’diel that I take this time to breathe the breath of life back in here.  I am hoping with all of my being that I can commit to updating this at least once a week. If all goes well with that gene therapy that should be no problem. Anyways, enough business onto to what you come here for.

My Life in Vana’diel.

My life in Vana’diel has changed as much as my life in that “real” world. For those who know my long time home was Bahamut. That was the sever that I started on going on 6 years ago now. In the past year or so it had become so overpopulated that SE made the decision to close of the server thus preventing any new life from entering. I stuck it out thou, along with <insert adjective here> Kitty, but a funny thing was happening. What was once a rich environment  of creative minds became the shallow end of the gene puddle. It had de-evolved down so far that it was becoming impossible to get anything done. The level arrogant elitism had seems down into the very core and thus made my time there miserable. So I decided to hop across the multiverse and find “The King(Queen) of the Black Mages” over on Slyph. So I packed up <insert adjective here> Kitty and a silly little hume only to be known as Gimp-r-i and moved on up to the Slyph side. Aside from it not really being a campaign server life if good.

I have no regrets in leaving Bahamut. I will admit that there are a few people that  I miss, but unfortunately all of the sewer rot that was infesting that place made them easy to leave behind.

The School Girl vs. The After School Special

I am a Red Mage and I am DAMN proud of it. I know that I probably didn’t *need* to say that, but hell, I just like saying it. Now recently I have been seeing a lot of complaining about Scholars. I am not huge fan of the job, but then again that kind of mage job bores me to tears.

The main argument is that Scholar ruined Red Mage, however I just don’t see it. Scholar may have some of the same abilities as the Red Mage but they are more “Cute School Girl you can take home to mom” where Red Mages are more “After school special” or bad 1950’s Health Class movie.

The thing is my dear children that there are some fundamental differences between the two jobs that make each stand out in it’s own way. I will not stoop to the argument of who is better, since truly there is no clear winner.

Finding your place in the world.

Our sweet little school girl is happy in their place in the back line. Whether their art be Light or Dark they are happy to stand back in the trenches supporting there comrades and dispatching their foe from a good safe distance. The melee skill of the Scholar has no practical use in any standard setup and much like a White Mage or Black Mage is reserved for Solo situations at best. Think of it more like a debutant showing up for cotillion in a pure white dress and no underwear. Mostly good with a little Dark Arts for flavor.

Now Red Mage is more like a child who switched their Ritalin with sweet-tarts and washed it down with a Mountain Dew. Their role in a situation is largely decided by the situation itself. The job holds a versatility that is not found anywhere else in the game. There are few situations that the Red Mage is unable to handle. Thou much like the Scholar’s dependency on stratagems the Red Mage is dependant on gear setups. Red Mages wear their reputations like a badge of honor. They are one of “those” people and proud of it.

Book Smarts vs. Street Smarts.

Remember that kid, the one that always had their hand up. Knew every answer in the book but seemed to fail on little things like tying their shoes? Ever wonder why Scholars wear loafers? One of the glaring disadvantages to the Scholar job is the Arts system. Your spell casting ability is limited by the current Art you are in and this is further complicated by Addendums. This is combined with that fact that you limited by your ability to switch between those by the number of stratagem changes you have at a given level… Ow.. I think I just broke a vessel… It is not all that hard to figure out but it puts a severe limitation on what you can be doing at any given point in time. One of the greatest arguments I hear is the the Scholar has a broader spell list. On the surface that is true, but they cannot cast spells freely. Just like you can’t ask that kid a Biology question in Geometry. If it’s not in the book, they don’t know nothing about it.

Remember that other kid? You know that one that sat in the back of the class. Never looked like they paid attention, but still passed all the test. Think of that kid in a Warlock’s Chapeau and you got Red Mage. Yes, the spell list of a Red Mage may not be as big, but at least they don’t need an instruction manual on how to use it. (yes, I know I have seen the ones that don’t know what dispel is but that is whole other manual). The spell list of a Red Mage is only limited by one thing, Support Job. Other than that whatever spell they want to cast they cast no matter if it is Black or White magic. This even gives Red Mages a bit of an advantage in some places since the it is harder for a Scholar to take on the role of main healer and debuffer due to stratagems, but being a jack-of-all-trades has it’s downsides too. See that kid passed all the test, they didn’t ace them. The balance between know what the teacher is talking about and looking good takes a toll. You know what you are doing but, you won’t excel at it.

You, Me, or Everyone.

Across Vana’diel Red Mages raised signs screaming “Scholar Stole my Phalanx II!” Altana be damned I am tired of hearing that. Yes, our sweet little schoolgirl does have the ability to share buffs with several of their closest surround party pals. Yes, with Red Mage sub job this does allow them to “Share” Phalanx with everyone, but hey guess what so can a Summoner but you don’t see anyone wanting to roast them on a spit do you? Thou slow-roasted Scholar might be tasty, especially if it is a dry-rubbed tarutar… back on topic. As nice as the ability to AoE buff and enfeebles may be it does not eliminate the need for a nicely merited Phalanx II.

It all comes down to skill. Scholar can have B rating in certain skills under the correct Art for that skill. This can still be modified by stat increasing gear. Which I will admit does make for a nice absorption rate for Phalanx since Phalanx is bases solely off Enhancing Magic Skill. This however to does not wipe version two of the table. Properly done Phalanx II from a Red Mage will be stronger and longer than Phalanx from a Scholar. This includes the number of merits and the amount of enhancing gear that is available. Another advantage is the lack of a Job Ability required. A Scholar can only care about everyone some of the time. Due to the unique way that the Scholar job is setup, they are highly limited in there spell sharing abilites and must pick and choose wisely on what spell they share at what time.

Honors Credit vs. AP Credit

I remember them, oh do I remember them well. “Oh, your only taking Honors English, that’s too bad. I am taking AP English….” That was usually about the time I slapped them in the mouth so I am not really sure what came after that. We all know them thou, the “I am better than you because I take AP Classes.” crowd. Sadly this same argument is happing through out Vana’diel. SE decided so graciously that Scholars would have access to Tier IV nukes.

In the school of elemental magic it works like this:

Black Mages are the college kids. They have the best, have been doing it longer and will always do it best. The only problem is there are too busy looking at porn, youtube and Adult Swim to actually bother showing up to an event.

Scholars are AP kids. They think they can hang with the big kids, have the brains to do it, but generally are too busy doing someone else homework.

Red Mages are the Honors Class. Not trying to be the college kids, too busy to take AP classes, but yet always there in a pinch and ready to roll.

Dark knights are, well, the freshman. Too busy behind the gym smoking cloves and discussing how the pressures modern life are “eating their souls” and how there is no “white knight” to “cover” their wounds to actually pay enough attention enough to learn how to use it. (yea, I couldn’t resist and “Emo Knight” joke.)

Puppetmasters: The AV Geek who builds a robot to try to date the hot Red Mage chick in Study Hall?

By giving Scholar tier IV nukes does not make them better or more usable than a Red Mage for nuking since the Red Mage’s claim to fame is overall survivability. Red Mages have access to Magic Attack Bonus II regardless of support job. This allows them to increase survivability with a wider range of Support Jobs without having to sacrifice potential damage output.

Tier IV nukes from a Scholar may allow for larger base damage numbers while under Dark Arts, but without the right sub job can lack the required punch. Tier III nukes from a Red Mage will lack the big numbers, but have the better options for consistency in damage. It brings the argument down the option of getting a B in an AP Class or an A in Honors class.

So What have we learned here today?

Those to crave the satisfaction of a clear winner would argue for their side and say that it reigns supreme. I am sure that career Scholars and Red Mages will agree and disagree on what has been said here today. When presented with the two jobs you see someone who is the ideal of innocence and virtue going up against those people your mother warned you about.

Some would say that the clear winner here would be the Red Mage since gear has limitless possibilities and stratagems are limited by the level you have obtained and how quickly you use them, but it is truly in how you use it. Since both fit very well in the back line. Scholars are just better suited for staying there.

Some would say that Scholar wins since they have so much more to offer than a Red Mage and that the Arts system will allow them to outperform the so-so skills of the Red Mage.

This was not meant to be a battle, but a venting of my own personal observations. In the beginning I was not impressed with the Scholar job and shared some of the options of the masses regarding the similarities between the jobs, however once I got past my first impressions I found a job that has some advantages and disadvantages just like every other job. Will you find a Scholar soloing Genbu anytime soon, probably not but then again I don’t think you will see a Red Mage out soloing puddings anytime soon.

The "G" Word

In the land of Vana'diel there is a new dirty word. A word that if uttered will have a swarm of GMs decend on you, carry you to Mordian Goal and wash your mouth out with a Chocobo's Rectal Feather. That word children is Gilseller. Yea, we all hate them, but the desire to perform ethich cleansing on Vana'diel has made life for the rest of us a living hell. It would seem that you can't walk out of your Mog House without someone calling you a Gilseller.

So I have taken time to comprise a list of how to spot a gilseller by today's standards:

1. Own a Content ID
2. Have a created a character
3. Have leveled a job
4. Sell items on Auction House
5. Buy items on Auction House
6. Kill Monsters
7. Craft
8. Ride a Chocobo
9. Be in a Zone
10. Be in your Mog House

If you spot any of the above behaviors call a GM fast. If you, yourself are exhibiting any of the following behavior, please Delete your content ID, cancel your Highspeed connection and go in a dark corner with a knife and pretend you are Bad Dark Knight.

Okay, I know that that pretty much describes anyone playing FFXI, but it is getting that bad. To make matters worse, SE is doing nothing more than making the problem worse. If anything they are driving us to the Gilsellers with open arms and not even for the "OMG I MUST HAVS THE UBER L33T SHIZNIT", soon enough we are going to be running to them just to buy Shihei. I am waiting for the day I see Ninjas in the dark alleys in Jeuno peforming alittle {Subtle Blow} for Makibishi.

It used to be that you when your pockets started running low you could head out and farm. Now if you farm you violating pretty much all of the above signs that you are gilseller. Remember Mistletoe? I do, used to make a killing off of it in Lufaise Meadows. You crafters out there might remember Remedy, I do, since that is why my mistletoe sold, but then SE when and cut the price the Remedy sold to a shop, now giant trees are overrunning the world. I never understood that. it was Remedy, it was not even being sold to the players, it was being sold to an NPC, it was nothing more than a craft and burn. No one was hurt, in fact all of us mistletoe farmers liked it much. Now just in time for the holidays I am going to have to cut my shopping list short, why you may wonder, because SE had gone and done it again. This time it seems that we have been overfarming the poor Bugards in Misareaux Coast. They have been driven so close to extintion for they wonderful hides that SE was forced to shutdown all hide trading pos.... ah the hell with it. SE went and fucked us over again. One of the last good farming items was Bugard Hides, namely the HQ but we would make do with the regular hides. However in another attempt to save Vana'diel from the evil Gilseller SE went and killed the NPC sell price. Some days I have to wonder does SE really want people to play? Do they not like our money? Since if the current trend stays there will be no one left playing game but Gilsellers since they have nothing better to with their time but earn gil.

I choose what I farm based on convenience. I still want to have time in my day to party, help out friend, do some Campaign or whatever. I don't play this game to spend 365 days a year to farm and that the end of it all have nothing to show for. Altana forbid I try craft, because the minute I craft the same item more than twice someone is going to send a GM call accusing me of "Using the AH for RMT purposes." I could go and try to camp an NM, but that would make everyone think that I am dirty, nasty Gilseller. I guess that I only have one choice left. I should of known that SE have something else in mind when they gave us the DNC job. Looks like I have some new moves for when I go back to work at the Rusty Anchor.

Free Time {Can I Have it?}

Like both in and out of Vana'diel has thrown me some curve balls. Heatlh and Well being have kept me from all the things I love. So this Red Mage has laid down both Quill and Sword for a bit...

Everything I need to know about Adventuring I learned from my Mother.

When I was still only Knee high to a Galka, my mother would regail me of with her adventuring days. Unbeknownst to me the simple lessons my mother taught me would carry me through the my adventurers. There are some lessons my mother taught me are just more common sense, like she always told me to air out my subligar at least once a day.

1. A Good Meal Will help you survive the day.
Yuppers, mom was right. Food has been a wonderful part of adventurering. I can eat all the sweets I want, and all that running around keeps me looking hot.

2. Dress for the job you want.
One would not wear Chocobo Riding Gear to go Mining in, nor should a Dragoon Wear Full AF to party in.

3. Too much of good thing will come back to haunt you,
I know that Burst looks really pretty, and it makes a "Big Badda Boom" but it will also cause the Sea Monk to take a "Big Badda Chunk" out of your Defensless BLM Rear.

4. You don't always want to be the center of attention
Bridesmaid dresses are ugly for the same reason Paladins are shiney, it keeps the atteniton where it supposed to be.

5. Do unto others....
That's right piss off the Paladin long enough they will "Forget" they have Cover

6. Just because everybody else is doing it....
Yea, I know all the cool kids play with clubs, but the last 5 minutes of Assualt is not the time to level your club skill.

7. Teamwork makes things easier
Vana'diel is a lot like sex, things are better with a group.

8. It's not polite to point...
Death, much like is a Fact of Life in Vana'diel, when it happens deal with it. Don't blame the Tank.

9. What does not kill you will only make you stronger...
Solo WHM to level 10.
Valkrum Dunes
Magicked Skull
Valkrum Dunes again to level your Subjob
Getting to Jeuno on your own the first time
Kazahm Airship Pass

See, your still here, and I bet you're alot stronger now.

10. If you do not learn from your mistakes you are doomed to repeat them.
You can never escape Valkrum Dunes, but you learn alot everytime you go back there.

Slasher Kitty Does Sandy *Sort of NSFW*

Once upon a time there was a Samurai who had it all. She had achieved great things in the land of Vana'diel, and her Tachi:Kasha brought all the Taru boys to the yard(and everyone else for that matter), but alas she was not happy with that. She was always looking for another challenge. One day she was wondering through the Seedy part of San d'Oria when when she came across an Elvaan. Now she knew this Elvaan for his mastery of Palandromic Arts and was surprised when he complimented her on her great feats using a Polearm. She figured he had seen her last performance at the Rusty Anchor.
"I hardly think that Pole Dancing in Selbina Butter has anything to do with my skills in battle, but thank you for enjoying my show." she said without even stopping.
"While I find your skills on the 'Stage' to be impressive." he said with a sly grin, "I refer to your reputation in battle." Our young Samurai stopped to listen to what the old man had to say.
"I have heard many great things about how your skilled hands grip the shaft of a polarm, and I think that you talents are just what I need to help train the young Knights."
"Really"
"Yes, I want you to test a new 'Training Exercise' I have created and hope to use on the Knights one day."
"Why me?"
"I feel that your skilled hands have what it takes to work this polearm to it's full potential" She took the Polearm and left to head back to her Mog House, the only thought that was running through her mind was "What, No Butter?"

Several days later she emerged from her Mog House, arms stronger and jaw sore. She has "worked" the Polearm so well that she had um... "rubbed" some of the San d'Orian Royal Symbols off of the pole. She returned to Balasiel and he was, well let's say not to pleased.
"For the Love of Altana I expected you to hone this pole in battle!"
"Um.. some better instructions would have helped."
"This is what I get for trusting a Bastokian to aide the Royal Knights."
"Well... Lets see, you see me dance and then give me a pole to play with, what did you expect me to do."
"Here..." he shoved some papers into her hands. "This is for your punishment. I need to sterilize this pole so it may once again be used by the Royal Knights. So it is up to you to bring me back a special cleanser. Do that and I might be willing to give you a reward."
"um.. okay."


That kiddies is when our little Samurai came knocking at my Mog House door.
"Open up." I was at the time having an argument with my moogle over the fact that he will not stop rearranging my mannequins. "Come on, open up."
"What did you do this time?"
"What do you mean? Why do you always think I have done something wrong, can't a kitty just want to visit her favorite Red Mage?"
"Uh-huh... because when kitty just wants to visit she tends to use the key I gave her."
"Damn... okay, yea I messed up. I have managed to anger San d'Oria"
"San d'Oria is a nation."
"Yea I know, but when you 'ruin' an item belonging to the Temple Knights you tend to piss people off."
"..."
"So...anyway... I have this map, and I need to go retrieve something. You and I both know how this works, so I need my Red Mage. You in?"
"Hmm... let's see, possible death and damnation to a fell a foe greater than us? Sure I'm in, under one condition. NO SEWERS!!! If I bring my dry cleaner one more poo water stained pair of shorts, I will have to do Windurst to get my pants cleaned."
"Yea and we know how often you need your shorts cleaned, but don't worry, no sewers this time."
"Just gather the troops before I send you to The Vahzal Gate Crystal on a level one job."

"As for you..." I turned to my Moogle. "you move another manaquinn around and I will have Moogle Pie for dinner."
"but Kupo, your Mog House is aglow with Peace and Love."
"Uh-huh, just remember that my Knives are aglow with sharpness."

It took our little Samurai some time to gather the troops since most of the usual suspects were still wondering how she could piss off an entire nation, but alas she was able to find a couple of people who were willing to aide her cause. The first that she found was Friend Formally known as Samurai Friend, he stars today as: "Paladin Flavored Meat Shield" and he brings along with him "White Meat Girlfriend" as "White Mage Flavored Tarutaru Pop."

A few teleports and a chocobo ride later we landed at the first part of our destination, Sea Serpent Grotto. I was giving our little Samurai the evil eye.
"What, you said now Sewers, this is not a sewer."
"IT'S A SWAMP!!!!"
"Technically it is a Grotto." chimed in Formerly
"I don't see the girls of Playhume running around here, nor do I see Hume Hefner handing me a drink, so this kiddies is a swamp. I will have you know that I am dragging you all to meet Bloody Iron and you can explain why he is cleaning Shaghrin Poo out of my shorts."
"Just follow me." said Samurai kitty, trying to quell my rage a bit.

Once very long walk later we reached a door, a very Ortamented Door. In fact I think I will come out here and mug of Sahagrin since it seems that they have the 'clink-clink' I am looking for.
*Red Mage Cast "Door Open"*
"Big-Fancy Door Reisit the Spell*
"Okay, who has the keys?" All eyes landed on SK who has one of those "Chocobo hit with Flash" looks about her.
"No one told me I needed a key..." So we headed off on a little detour to Norg.

Formerly, White Meat and Me grabbed a cup of Opo-Opa brew in bar while SK went off to see about a key. After some chatting it does seem that someone had a spare key, but it was going to cost her to get it. So she headed out alone while I put Paladin Vitality to the test. I ordered up a bottle of Rolanberry 864 and couple of Glasses.
"So let's see if Paladin's are have as much Vitality as everyone claims." I sat down a glass in front of each of us. "Here are the group rules, No Spells, no abilities. White Meat over there will keep score, we drink one for one till the ticker is done. Last one still standing wins."
The first three shots went down smooth, then Formerly tried to cheat.
"Sentinel, what's a matter saying that you can't win this?"
"It was an accident"
"Sure...keep drinking pally."
Three more drinks went down and Formerly was starting to look like he was Formerly know as being sober.
"Aww I thought Paladin's were known for there vitality"
"I...fink...you are...chebing...I fink you've got stomeslim."
Two more drinks went down when I heard a chirp in my ear. It was SK on the linkpearl.
"Um... Raise Can I have it?"
"What in the name of Altana happened."
"Crab..."
"What is it with you and crabs..." I slammed down my last drink.
"Sorry hun, we have to call this one a draw." Not so much a draw since Formerly was slumped over in his chair mumbling about two Galka and a mithra walking into a bar.
"What do you means a draw. I whus winning."
"Only in your mind hun." I stood up without even needing an erase. Brushed some rock salt off my Tabard and headed out into the Swamp...I mean Grotto.

Back up to my ankles in leech dropping I found where SK was tasting Dirt. Before me stood the crab that had taking a chunk out SK's rear. It did not last long under the blade of a Red Mage and soon I skewered a little crab meat and had a little seafood shish-ka-bob. I left SK to finishing getting her key, and went back to Norg to see how Formerly was recovering.

Let's just say things back in Norg were not as good as I had hoped. Formerly was up on a table in the bar swearing that he could Shield Bash any man in this room, and somehow he had lost his pants. I swirled down a Blinding Potion while White Meat, WM for Short, ordered up some Imperial Coffee and a couple of Vile Elixirs. A half a pot of coffee later and we got our dear Paladin off of the table and back into his pants, which was good since it was about the time the Blinding potion wore off. Right about the time that WM gave up and just started casting erase is when SK tumbled in through the door, wet and muddy, but she had a key. It was time to set out and finally retrieve SK's much need cleanser.

"Sober Paladin?" Formerly was up, coherent and thankfully fully clothed.
"Check" He responded sounding only slightly foggy, "don't worry the walk there will shake off the rest of it."
"Key to big Fancy Do...Hey get that out of your mouth." I look over to see SK "lubricating" the key. "Your mouth has gotten you into enough trouble."
"Check." she mumbled
"White Meat?" I looked around for WM, "Um... who ate the Tarutaru Pop?"
"Down here." Opps, should of checked behind the Paladin. "Check"
"One Lovely and Fabulous Red Mage...Che-ck."
Arm-in-arm we skipped through the swamp singing "We're off to get the Cleanser, the wonderful cleanser of jizz..."
Finally we had found the "moist" hole that SK was to retrieve the "cleanser" from. Knowing that things are never as easy as they seem, we were ready for any surprises that came our way, and all I can say is, we thought we actually found something that screw better than Slasher Kitty, well at least screwdriver. The good news is that Formerly's vitality held up better here than back in the bar. The joys of being in a swamp showed through, poor WM thought that her Barwater was not working, but it turned out to be a drip in the ceiling. The battle was pitched, the Water Leaper kept trying to screwdriver are dear SK, but her powers were mightier, since she absorbed it like it was nothing. Finally the beast fell and SK was once again "searching" a moist hole, this time however she found a bottle of "Splash Breath Sanitizer and Degreaser" One teleport later I free myself from the swamp and decied that I it must be my place in life to fund the my dry cleaner's children's college education.

The green fields of La Theine Plateau were a welcomed change to the Swamp, I mean Grotto that we has poofed out of. WM mumbled something about taking formerly home and getting him some Remedy, or was it hair of the Galka and putting him to bed. I was not to sure since I was more interested in the reason SK was getting naked in front of the Chocobo Lady.
"Um..."
"What I like the way the Chocobo Feather feel against my skin." At that point I knew it was going to be a long trip back to San d'Oria. I paid my gill and hoped my bird as "Mithra Godiva" did the same and we made our way back to San d'Oria.

SK headed off to try to get back into San d'Oria's good graces I head to the mog for a much deserved change of clothes, Thinking that this ordeal was finally over. No sooner did I get behind the Tarutaru Folding screen did the Link start beeping.
"Um.. Are new weapon skills supposed to come with pictures?" SK beeped in my ear.
"Not last time I checked."
"Balasiel and the Prince just took my picture."
"Just take your prize and meet me at the docks, let get back to Bastok before you piss anyone else off."


Several Weeks Later.

Things in Vana'diel had relaxed. SK was no longer persona non grata in San d'Oria. Formerly keeps calling me looking for a rematch in Norg, WM keeps a stack of Remedy in her bag for next time we all set off. Myself, I sit in the courtyard of the enjoying some Tea with a friend who just happened to be on the Royal Knights.
"So how goes training?" I asked pour another cup of tea.
"Improved greatly actually."
"Oh?"
"Yes, we have just started a new training program."
"Oh, yet another 'We are better than everyone else' plan I take it?"
"No, we have been studying Polearm. Trion and Balasiel came up with a new plan." I spit tea across the blanket.
"Um... you said you were studying Polearm with a new training method?"
"Yes, I am really 'Polishing' my skills since we started. Hell, I can't wait to get home at night and work my Polearm now."
"Just what does this new plan entail?"
"Here take a look, I think you will understand this." he reached into his bag and handed a training manual. "I am not supposed to share this with people so please don't tell anyone."
I looked at the manual and, to be honest I was not surprised....

New Training Manual


**************
Yea, this WSNM was not as eventful as the others I have, but when I saw:

Impulse Drive Text

I could not resist a little fun.


Thank you to everyone who helped that day and....

~*~Congratulation to Slasher Kitty on Impulse Drive!!!!~*~

The Boyahda Tree Project

It was a stormy Darksday when two adventures headed into the The Boyahda Tree with nothing more than their blades and jumbo-sized vat of melted Seblina butter. They were never seen again. Weeks later a Ranger Scavenged their footage from the marshy soil...

Not knowing what he had stumbled across the Ranger brought the footage back to his home nation of Windurst. Several Tarutaru in the Aurastary tried to recover the film but no form of magic was able to retrieve the data. The call was sent to the great engineer. The footage was sent over to Bastok and straight up to Cid's lab. He toiled over the footage for several Vana'diel weeks and finally was able to recover the film.
"ha ha, When are those Tarutaru going to learn that it is about manual labor not simple spell cast that solves most problems..." Cid who had viewed most of the film while trying to restore it called in the Mythral Musketeer and the Ranger who found the tapes.
"I think you should take a look at this, I think this is those two Adventurers that went missing not to long ago." The Ranger, and several other gathered in Cid's lab and queued up the film. The footage was not best, badly degraded from the mossy ground it had spent time in ground, but the start seemed to be the start of an Adventurers day....


"It's Darksday, I have no clue what day, but I think the year is 1035..."
"Yea 1035...come on let's go..." Two Adventurers an A very attractive Hume Red Mage and a cute little Mithra Samurai looked like they were standing outside of the entrance to The Boyahda Tree.
"No, I am not getting all the way there and finding out I forgot something."
"..."
"Food?"
"Got it.."
"Weapons, ammunition and the like?"
"Got it"
"15lbs of Selbina Butter and Fire Crystals?"
"Fire Crystals, got it..." The Mithra suddenly started to blush.
"Come on, *please* don't tell me that you stashed the butter in your Mog House again? I thought you already stocked up last time." There was giggling and sticking out of tongues. The two looked happy.
"I've got the butter, but it is only 10lbs worth. I was running low and I have a friend coming over tonight."
"You are not borrowing the camera after the last time, I am still trying get butter out of the some of the dials." There was more laughing and motions made. "Okay, let's go...Oh! you got a way to get home, I am not going to feel like walking off a Crab Boil."
"Yea I'm good."

The two entered the tree still laughing and poking fun at each other. The tape cut in and out a bit here, but it seems that they had made plans to get to top of tree. Soon thou it broke into a much darker tone. No longer was the group staring at the faces of two happy carefree adventurers.

The Samurai had her blade raised in battle as did the Red Mage what they were fighting could not been seen from the angle the camera was positioned.
"Nothing wants to stick." The Red Mage said, breath heavy. It seemed that she had taken allot of Damage.
"We'll be fine."
"I don't know it's just too fast."

The footage broke up some more or maybe the camera was getting tossed around.

"We have one shot to run away. When I say go we get the hell out of here." The Red Mage geared out and began casting a spell. The Quality was too bad to tell what spell was being cast. "Let's go!" The video shook wildly at this point before cutting out again.

"Where are we!" shouted the Red Mage
"I don't know." flushed the Samurai, both looked beaten, tired and sullen. "It is still behind us?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE, I THOUGHT YOU HAD A MAP."
"I NEVER GOT THAT COFFER."
"I think I hear something." The Red Mage look back around a corner. "RUUUN!!!!" both head off in different directions. The camera seemed to hit the ground at this point along with the Mage. She was down but not taken out. She dragged herself up and attempted to get one final cast off. Next thing she was running.

The footage cutout again. The footage came back in the camera was close on the Red Mage's Face.

"I don't know where I am right now or if anyone will ever see this, but I am alone, being chased but *it*. I don't know how much time I have, but *it* just won't leave. I lost my kitty. I have to go look for her now, but I don't know where *it* is." Her word were heavy and she was out of breath. She raised her head skyward. "Altana, please if you can hear me, I want to see my kitty again, I want to see Bastok again." Sounds are heard and a look of panic runs across her face.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" she screamed "IT'S BACK AGAIN, WILL IT EVER STOP CHASING ME!!!" she runs with the camera bouncing around. This last for a few minutes and then the screen goes black. The black only last for a moment. We open to another place in the tree.
"Thank Altana I found you. I was scared that I would never see you again."
"..."
"Why are standing in the corner like that?" There was a crash and the film cutout once again, this did not seem to be the footage, just the camera went black.


The was a still in the room till the Ranger fled the room screaming, it was just more than he could handle. Iron Eater was the first to speak. "Is that all you could recover?"




Okay, okay so Slasher Kitty and I were seen again, but we did encounter *it* in the The Boyahda Tree and *it* is one VERY mean Crab by the way of Aquarius. We were feeling a little cocky after taking down a certain Buffalo name Bonnacon we thought that a Crab was going to be nothing much, but let me tell you kiddies, that crab raped us hard. He did not even bother to use all that Selbina Butter that Slasher Kitty was carrying around with her(and no, she does not carry it around because we fight allot of crabs). Aquarius and his "Hundred Claws" made chopped meat out of us, but we dusted ourselves off and eliminated a few hundred Steelshells as revenge.

For Al Zahbi?

I have gained a strong love/hate relationship with Besieged. I so much want to do my Red Mage duty and defend Al Zahbi, but besieged leaves alot to be desired. So why oh why do I keep finding myself in Al Zahbi trying to see through the hellish Lag and attepmting to do anything even though I feel like I do nothing. So I sit down in next to HQ Warp Taru(I loathe him, but I have to do what I can) doing alittle money laundering of my own and I think why do people Besiege. Are they truly there for the honor of defending Al Zahbi from the beastman hordes? Do they just have nothing better to do? I feel a vibration from my hip and see that I have recieved a message. It is from a friend in Al Zahbi, the words are chilling: "They are coming again...."

Being a Red Mage who demands answers I grab some Parchment, Black Ink and pulled a feather from my hat and started to ask around while I waited for the Undead Swarm to break through the Gates of Al Zahbi. I pestered anyone who would stop and talk to me, and I found that no one really gives a shit about Al Zahbi, the desire to besieged is all of a Me, Me, Me affair.


Group One: Nobody Loves Me

First Person I asked was a Dragoon, he was elvaan so the eye was natually drawn to him. He just sort of looked at me and laughed. "This is the only way I can get EXP, I am not lucky like a RDM who barley has to put their flag up to get a party invite. To me this is just a way to actually get to stick my Lance into something." His Wyvern, Rover was sitting obediently by his side, seemed to perk up at the idea of actually geting to kill someting. "I really don't care much about Al Zahbi, I mean this place really needs better security, they can't keep relying on us to keep this place safe."

As I was gathering my notes together from the Dragoon, I tripped over something. I looked down to find I had just stumbled over a tarutaru Dark Knight. After I apologized I ask, "Waiting for your chance to defend Al Zahbi?"
"I don't give a flying Galka about Al Zahbi." he laughed "No one loves the Dark Knight, it has been so long since I have gotten to bloody my blade that I crave the thrill of the fight."
"I like Dark Knights..."
"You are a rare one Miss, I can sit waiting for a Party to ask me for days, Besieged is the only way that I can level, and even in here I have to go at it solo..." He walked away in a huff. 'The Plight of the Dark Knight' I thought to myself. Tragic....

It would seem that no one loved Al Zahbi, or cared for the tiny Warp Taru who is often subjected to {Rear} {Hole} {Penta Thrust} by a burly Troll Destroyer who likes to sing show tunes, No wonder he never gets a chance learn how to Warp people correctly. I was wondering around looking for more people to talk to about this curious situation when I heard a commotion coming from a remote corner of Al Zahbi. I figured that Beastmen had found a way to sneak in, so I buffed up and ran to the commotion. All that I found was a group of Mithra Puppetmasters who were "Dancing" for Clink-Clink. I stood back and watched and waited for them to take a break. Once things calmed down I spoke to the leader of the trio.


"Maybe I will talk to you, but I need prrrretty shiney coin to talk to you." I dug deep in my pockets and pulled out a Mythril Coin. "Oooooo Big Shiney, Sparky This nice lady get you Black Mage head." The puppet danced around for a moment.
"Hang on now, you get the Clink-Clink when I get some answers. Why are you here today, are you waiting to protect the citizens of Al Zahbi?"
"No, I am a Puppetmaster, and that means no one wants me and little Sparrrrky here in therrre Parrrties. So I besieged so I can get Ventriloquy." and with that said she snacted the coin from my hand and went back to performing her show.

I heard the same thing from countless Dark Knights, Puppetmasters and Dragoons. It would seem that they are the forgotten children of Vana'diel forced to defend Al Zahbi just to satisify their primal need as adventurers. I feel bad for this Rabid Maute Dogs scavenging EXP by any means nesacarry, but alas, I feel worse for the Warp Taru. These are not the stock that he needs coming to his aide. I think that I will buy him some Goblin Grease next time there is some up at the Auction House. I think he is going to need it.

Group Two: Greed

There has to be more than just the forgotten children of Vana'diel here. I look around me and I see hundreds of people who not the forgotten children. I know that these people obviously don't have trouble getting parties, so maybe they are here to proctect Al Zahbi, to protect the Warp Taru.

I started to wonder around looking from one of these people that I could ask when I saw a Galka holding a tarutaru against the wall. Before I charged in to help I stood back and listened.
"Tell me little smart guy, how much I get?"
"Ouchie-wowchi...." I am not sure if the taru could breath "You do everything you can and you will get the max, about 1800 or so. It depends." The Galka dropped the Tarutaru.
"Now see little smart guy, was that so hard."
"Put me down you brute, you better hope you don't get charmed, because if you do I will Burst II you into obvlion." The Galka dropped the Taru and he went running off.

"Ready to defend Al Zahbi my good monk?"
"I am ready to get rich."
"Come again?"
"This weak Empire is going to make me rich, because they need us to defend their walls. I mean it is not like I am going to lay my life down for honor or any of that garbage. I am a Galka, and we Galka have suffered enough at the hands of lazy Humes and Elvaan, and don't get me started on those Taru, they have messed up their country so much by aligning with those bird-men."
"How does one get rich fighting? I mean this is not our usual escaped where there is untold riches lying in every corpse we create."
"Eh, just like those Rat-dogs running around here I am after the 'Clink-Clink'. I have a man in Nashmau who will lead me to untold riches for the Clink-Clink."
"What about poor Shihu-Danhu, don't you think that it is your job to protect him?"
"Who? and Why?, if the Empire was worried about protecting their people they would have secured the gates long ago. Miss all I want to get is to get enough standing in this joke of a battle to get the 'Clink-Clink' I need to fleece those Hume, Elvaan and Taru fools out of their gil."

Poor Shihu-Danhu. I think I will buy him two pots of Goblin Grease. While I was thinking about poor Shihu a siren went off to alert the another beastmen horde has begun their plans to strike Al Zahbi. This should cause a massive sigh of disgust, but alas an Elvaan was jumping for joy next to me.

"WOOHOO, I AM GOING TO GET RICH OFF THAT LAZY PUPPETMASTER. THANK YOU BEASTMEN!!!"
"Cheering beastmen on, do you have no shame. I would think a fine Elvaan(black hair, nice eyes) like yourself would have better values."
"Hey Lady, it's because of these beastmen that I am able to look so good. There is some dumb Puppetmaster back in the safe zone that is jonsin for a Valoregde frame to turn his little doll into a slash and dice Roppi Doll, and to that he needs coin. I told him that for the right price I would over look his cowardness and get him the coins he needs. I see a Haubrek in my future."

I walked over to Shihu-Danhu and patted him on the back. I asked how his wounds were healing and he said one simple thing "Why do you think I am always standing?" Poor kid, too bad his asshold brother ran him out of the safe zone. I could not handle the greed surrounding me. So I sat off to find if there was anyone who was willing to defend Al Zahbi, No if there was anyone willing to defend the Warp Taru!!!!

Group Three: Skillers

For the many time that I have laid spell and blade up in the defense of Al Zahbi there have been one group of leeches that has always intrigued me. Those lowly youngsters who can do nothing of value to defend Al Zahbi. Why are they here for what reason do they come to die?

I have found that these fools tend to stay in packs chatting in Linkshells about farming behive cheaps so they get there next spell. I stumbled, literly stumbled over a Tarutaru BLM. I looked her over and noticed that she was hiding the level she achieved, but she was wearing a Seer's Robe(not even the HQ one).
"Say kiddo, did you have a hard defeating Maat?"
"Who?"
"You know Maat, the creepy old guy in Jeuno who wants you to go pick up drugs for him."
"Oh, him. I heard people in my linkshell talking about him, but I myself have never meet him." Oh how I longed to play a rousing game of "Punt the Taru" right then.
"You've never met Maat, but you are here to defend Al Zahbi, what can the likes of you do to help my friend Shihu-Danhu out?"
"Defend Al Zahbi, nah. I am here for the skills. The beastmen hordes will help me to hone my skills in Elemental and Dark Magic. If I am lucky there will be some squisy Puks that I cast Dia on to help out Enfeebling Magic." I checked my watch to see that by the time the beastmen made it here it would be Lightsday. *note to self: Burn Down Windurst*


I could not tolerate, I just walked away. I mean, I am a Red Mage, and know that the beastmen horde that is slowly advancing will help me to hone my skills, but alas I am here to defend Al Zahbi, and to defend my friend Shihu-Danhu, but when I lay down my blade it penetrates the flesh of evil with divine justice. When I raise my voice in mighty cast I know that whoever is at the other end of it will be hurting for many days to come. I feel pride in healing the wounds of and the Sky and Galeserpent Generals whose cause I have taken up banner to fight, but alas it was not just one Black Mage, but many. Even White Mages who have taken the vow to do no harm and to heal the wounded were chatting away about honing there Diving Magic. Even my own kind. The Red Mages, Red Mages who cannot even raise up a fallen comrade giddy over what they will obtain in todays onslaught.

I lowered my head in shame, put down my parchments and began to walk the streets of Al Zahbi. I stopped by the Guilds to see Guildmasters' securing their Anvils and Axes. I went to the Chocobo Stable to see the stablemaster preparing who flock, for she knows that with no adventurer prepared to stand in fight for Al Zahbi it maybe some time before she strokes there soft plume again. I walk up Ulthalam's Parade to see a the daughter of the Dice Vendor crying as she is pulled away to safety. Where are the adventurers to see this moment. A child who wonders if their mother will return home at the end of the day. Vendor after vendor packing away their ware, not knowing if they will have the joy of opening their shops again tomorrow. I head to the Bastion, Ground Zero one might say and gaze upon the Generals, poised and ready for battle. Waiting to defend Al Zahbi, waiting to lay down their lives for the people. I stare alittle longer at the Skyserpent. His Beauty will too soon be marred by the Hammer of a Troll. Finally I go back Shinu-Danhu and look him trying to stow himself safely in the crates he calls him home. I must wonder why he stays, why not Flee away from Al Zahbi, give up magic, but no, this is his Home.

I hear the final siren blare as the gates to the bastion come crashing open. The voice of the Skyserpent ringing in my ears. I raise up blade and charge forward into battle.

For Al Zahbi?

No.

~*~*~FOR THE WARP TARU!!!!!~*~*~

Mega-Monk Kitty Gets his Eight Fist of Death!!!

Today kiddies we take a peek behind the Mog House door of our favorite Monk Kitty. He(yes, the mighty manthra he is) has been busy as of late, and upon reaching level 71 he went to see a man about some knuckles. Our boy put those knuckles through hell, so much hell he actually broke them. He tried to collect the pieces, but have you ever tried to wood shards our of crab shell? Yea, not so much. So he went back to Oggbi expecting to get a Red Mage sized ass whipping for breaking the knuckles, but Oggbi was actually pretty happy. He stole the knuckles back from our Monk Kitty and gave him some "guides" so he could be rewarded. Thinking he got jipped, but never wanting to pass up and opportunity for loot he made his way down to the Bostaunieux Oubliette.

Now, never fear kiddies our Monk Kitty may be a mindless beater in party, but he has sense when it really counts. Joining the PT was Slasher Kitty, Everyone's Favorite Red Mage and introducing Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate, PEMP for short.. We made our way to San 'd Oria and I pulled on my high waders, because well, RDM AF is Dry Clean only and I do not fathom explaining to my Galka Dry Cleaner why he has to clean poo water out of my shorts. Once we made it down the bowels of the Bostaunieux Oubliette, all the while listening to a Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate screaming "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" while running through poo water, we found that X, well ??? that marks the spot. Before we pulled out our shovels we had to do alittle Bloodsucker removal, PS, anyone wanna be a summoner, One Carby Ruby to anyone who can make here in time. So once we took care of the little Leech problem Monk Kitty shoved his shovel into the mark and all he got was one rather pissed off skeleton who was none to happy to find a shovel inserted into his pelvic bone.

*hits play on the "Benny Hill" chase music"

Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate ran in an began to beat the beat the livening shit out this pissed off boner, Slasher Kitty in normal fashion lined up to do if from behind and once she had her rubber glove on she unloaded a huge can of whoop ass on it. Somewhere during this all hell broke loose and thus the Benny hill chase seen begun. I think at some point I actually saw the skeleton wearing a bra and panties when he did hell slash. PEMP was the first to drop, laughing all the way to the floor. Next was our faithfull Monk Kitty and then Slasher Kitty learned just what poo water tasted like. Soon it was down to me and boner, and let me just say, this Skelly is "different" Chainspell + Cure IV made no dent in him, cept to maybe dislodge the shovel from the his pelvic bone. The shovel which he proceeded to beat the living hell out of me with.

*A Small note to my Dry Cleaner* You will be getting a big bonus at christmas.

I will remember from now on when I head the Bostaunieux Oubliette I will always bring towels with me. After getting everyone pulled up on the legde to air out bit we laydown a plan. This was about the time the leech problem decided to come back and to us that is an oppurtunity. So Monk Kitty dipped down and found the shovel and after rinsing some RDM Blood from it he shoved it back in the ground, and this time the Skelly popped out with shovel sticking out of his skull and PEMP ready to beat it's ass hard, it turns out that Monk Relic is Dry Clean only and his dry cleaner is on cranky ass lil taru who is related to Shantotto. Slasher and Monk Kitty were given a few shots in, but PEMP seemed to have a bone to pick with him. Finally it bones crumpled to the floor and Monk Kitty was able get what he was really looking for.

Monk Kitty returned back to Bastok and was rewarded with his Asuran Fist, and now has his "Mighty Eight Fist of Death"(usually his own). Slasher Kitty went back to her Mog House and sprayed the chunks out of her SAM Armor. I bribed my Dry Cleaner with a fresh box of tarutaru treats. Oh, Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate was recently seen Mooning Kirin and run naked in The Garden of Ru'Hmet screaming "weeeeeeeeee I feel the breeze!"

*All Hail Monk Kitty and his Eight Fist of Death, Congrats on Asuarn Fist*

*And if you see a naked elvaan in The Garden of Ru'Hmet, don't worry he is just proof that not all psychotics are dangerous.

Slasher Kitty gets her flower

It is once again story time kiddies. So grab a Ginger Cookie and Some Selbina Milk and sit down on the pillows to hear a story.

Once upon a time in a place called Vana'diel there lived many people, but there are only a few of those people that this tale outlays. This is a story of death and destruction that could of been avoided if people have some common sense. Our story begins with a very happy Samurai, we will call her Slasher Kitty, SK for short. SK had worked very, very hard slashing things, so hard in fact that a man named Jaucribaix gave her a very special gift, a Tachi of Trails. He told her that once she bloodied that blade enough she would be ready to unlock the potential within herself and be rewarded with an even better prize. Now SK was more than happy to go and bloody that blade as much as she could, and trust me, SK is very good at getthing things bloody. She toiled long and hard till that blade was so bloody it had actually managed to wash away some of the effects of the blade itself. Worried that she had broken the blade she took it back to Jaucribaix and he was actually very happy. He took the blade away from her and sent her on a treasure hunt so that she could get her very special gift.

Now SK had heard about these treasue hunts before and knew that she would need some friends to help out. The first Mog House door that she knocked on was her favorite Red Mage, who is always willing to go out and "hunt" things. Along with them also came Monk Kitty, The King(Queen) of the Black Mage's and Elfy. The group traveled to a dusty little hellhole known as Kuftal Tunnel and took the "Treasure Map" that was given to SK by Jaucribaix to the special spot and out popped a big mean beetle called Kettenkaefer. Now since we were short a certain White Meat Kitty who was off running scams in Aht Urghan this Red Mage stood back and kept the mob in check while the battle insued, but if the battle went smoothly we would not be here right now wouldwe? No, this is where the juices start to flow kiddies. See, we found out that our dear little Elfy is not too bright. Elfy had come to our little Treasue Hunt as his warrior, and our dear SK played Ninja Kitty for this, but Elfy did not understand that when he spams Mega Weapon Skill after Mega Weapon Skill without reguard to a Ninja Tank that his demise is close at hand. I guess it is true that when they make them strong they don't always make them smart.

Now I dear little Elfy forgot something else. This wonderful little thing called shadows. See kiddies, Elfy was sub Ninja with all kinds of shadows that he could cast up to protect himself, but do you think that Elfy would use his shadows to protect him?................................That's right kiddies, not a chance. Elfy used Raging Rush and took all of the hate away from our poor Ninja Kitty and never even tried to get them back up. Soon he used Steel Cyclone and it was the same story over again. So when little Elfy hit the dirt not a single tear was shed. The funniest part of the fight was our Dear BLM, who never pulled hate even once. Why, because our BLM is smart he cast his spells like a good boy so not to make the mob too mad at him. Alas it was our BLM that saved the day and took down the evil Kettenkaefer with his Spells of Boomaga. Slasher Kitty got the proof she needed to get her prize and this Red Mage took to raising silly lil Elfy.

Elfy though could not act like a big boy and say "oops, maybe I should not of done that..." No silly little Elfy cried "but that is what a WAR is supposed to do!"
"No!" shouted our SK, "you need to learn how to gauge your attacks and be smart about things"
"Well I think I am going to just quit WAR, because if I can go nuts it is not worth doing." With that a collective sigh of relief was let by WARs everywhere. Since the moral of the Story kiddies, Don't be a and Elfy. Learn your Job, know your job, and if you can't do that, Well learn to love the taste of dirt in your mouth.

~*~ALL HAIL THE KING(QUEEN) OF THE BLACK MAGES~*~

~*~*~GO GO SLASHER KITTY AND HER MIGHTY TACHI:KASHA~*~*~

You Play too much FFXI when...~

I have always loved the little warning that comes up when login to the game, but really people this is an MMORPG, when playing it develops a life of it's own. Enjoy, Laugh and most all, get back to playing. Feel free to comment wiht your own.

1. You wish you could take a chocobo to work since even at crag prices it would be cheaper than Gas/Insurance/Maintenance

2. You start every sentence with a / (forward slash)

3. You have attempted to cast lot on good items in a takeout order

4. You have requested to be tractored to the bathroom

5. You open your closet and wonder where your moogle is

6. During a long shift at work you attempt to cast Barsleep on yourself

7. You wonder why you macro is not working when trying to eat food

8. When asking someone for a drink you request a YagAde or Melon Juice

10. When someone ask you what you do for a living you tell them to /check you and when they look at you funny you go "Oh Shit! I am on /anon"

11. You start every online conversation with CTRL+ L or CTRL +P

12. When hanging out with friend you tell people that you got a "Party Invite"

13. You threaten to call a "GM" on a co-worker... (Bonus Point if you work somewhere with a general manager)

14. You add the term -ga to the end of everything you say

15. When arguing with someone you are looking for the Auto-Attack button

16. When shooting paperballs into the trash you are claiming to get Throwing Skillups

17. You claim you cannot come to work since you have ToD on your favorite Daytime Television show and you can't let those damn gilsellers beat you to it.

18. When getting candy from the vending machine you claim to have gotten the "uber" drop

19. When a co-worker asked for your last smoke you claim that it is Rare/Ex and cannot be traded

20. You have replaced the term "Bling-Bling" with "Clink-Clink"

21. When someone ask you your name you point above your head

22. You keep hitting Tab and wonder why the Auto-translate isn't working

23. When something goes wrong in your life, you blame the WHM

24. When buying groceries you complain that the Gilsellers keep jacking up the price

25. You ask your boss if they have any relation to Naja Salaheem

Part One: The Bitch is Back!!

*dust off some cobwebs and squashes a few Diremites* THE BITCH IS BACK!!!! that right kiddies, it has been awhile but I am back and as usual pissed off.

I have a few things to discuss today, some funny, some bitchy, and one that is still scaring the shit out of me.


Part One: Nope, this is not the funny, I would not want to let everyone down, I am starting with the bitchy!!!

This Red Mage has turned White! Long ago i capped out White for Sub-job and it has been lingering at 46 for awhile now (yea I know, I only need 37 for sub-job, but how many people only level one job....) and since we have had some *setbacks* on our main jobs (keep you subligar on you will sort of hear about that, but later) I am leveling my White Mage. so let's see, Party layout:
47WHM/BLM (Guess Who)
46RDM/WHM (Ninja Kitty)
48PLD/WAR (Monk Kitty)
46WAR/NIN (Introducing: Beater Kitty 2.0)
47SAM/THF (Random Pickup)
47THF/NIN (Random Pickup)
One Teleport-Altep later we are heading out to Western Altpa for a little Beetle Rape. I breathed a heavy sigh of joy when the best camp in QSC was open, in fact that place was a graveyard, no one was around when we got there. The killing the begins and thou I enjoy WHM, wow back Line Jobs can be a bit borning, especially with a PLD that never loses hate (Love YA JAP!!) When in strolls a level 54 TARU WAR and a High-Level Taru WHM(/anon, but wearing full noble's and maybe the turban, don't remember). I think nothing of this since high levels are always running in and out of QSC but then he pulls an Antican and proceeds to fight it right on top of us. Um... I thought you were *supposed* to learn not to do that when you in Valkrum dunes?
/s RDMKitty Can you please not camp on top of us?
/s Asshataru it's a BLM mob, it too hard to pull back (WTF, I mean, yea, BLM Mobs can be a bitch since they stop to cast, but um... you have hit level 54 on a Melee job, you should know how to deal with a BLM Mob by now... He did manage to get it pulled back, but he was still in the middle of our camp...
He Kills that one, Pulls a WAR Ant Next, and guess what, *has a plate of wizard Cookies for anyone who said*: HE IS STILL CAMPING ON TOP OF US... My first thought to this is that, WTF NOOB? this is not a BLM Mob, so WTH can't you pull it back to at *least* behind the Back Liners?
But...alas, an Asshat is always an Asshat....Here is the log from the what was said:
Asshataru>> im only planning on staying here till emp leaves but if ppl do stupid shit like slap me i usually stay
Asshataru>> so idk
Asshataru>> would u tell a merit pt to leave cuz u were there first?
Asshataru>> i sure as hell wouldnt
Asshataru>> and i wouldnt call it my exp either
Asshataru>> if u would have been nice about and and said nothing i would have r3 ur whole pt
Asshataru>> but i didnt
>>Asshataru : yes, we were here first. your taking the mobs we need to lvl off of and leasving us the ones that are too hard
>>Asshataru : lol, R3 doesnt work till 50 anyways (yes kiddies, we actually had to say that)
Spawn forward around 15 minutes and we have made a GM CAll and were 63rd in Line and he finally leaves, but not before we nearly had a full party wipe because he was ganking all the mobs we should be killing. The GM was a trip but this will prolly go nowhere, still it pissed me off. I mean really waaaaaay back in the Dunes, or at least Qufim Island how camps work. Just like the Porno Store they are at a first come first serve basic, so if you see someone there it is time to move along, find another camp or *AT LEAST* be polite, ask the party, cut a deal...

Well This is part one, just me being Pissy about the Asshats in this game. PS. 50WHM/25BLM as I right this, so the RDM has truly turned white.....

A song for Adventurer's

*Sung to the tune of Stroke 9's "Kick some Ass*

How many people wanna kick some ass?

I used to be a Noob

Grew up in Valkrum Dunes

Everything that could went wrong

Prayed for a raise to come along

I don't miss the dunes

or hearing what does 'voke do

acting like they've been to sky

when you know it's a lie

How many people wanna kick some ass?
I do I do
And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am
Well I am too

My Mage, don't lay a finger on her

Weapon skill got mob off her

'voke timer just alittle longer

'Voke's up and you're a goner

How many people wanna kick some ass?
I do I do
And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am
Well I am too

But I'm really just a sensitive caster
Perpetrating like I am the tank master

Range the mob back to camp

you got a link, you're a real champ....

losing HP more and more

till me and my axe hit the floor

How many people wanna kick some ass?
I do I do
And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am
Well I am too

Piss off your PT

get kicked, hope you can use Flee

damn this Mage can conserve MP

2k till I ding

So chain another mob in...

How many people wanna kick some ass?
I do I do
And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am
Well I am too

My Mage, don't lay a finger on her

Weapon skill got mob off her

'voke timer just alittle longer

'Voke's up and you're a goner

And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am I am
And how many people wanna kick some ass?
I would if I could

But I'm really just a sensitive caster
Perpetrating like I'm the tank master

proving I can 'voke faster

but I'm really just a sensitive caster

AWWWWW Yeah

My Mage, don't lay a finger on her

Weapon skill got mob off her

'voke timer just alittle longer

'Voke's up and you're a goner

And how many people sick of holding it back?
I am I am
And how many people wanna kick some ass?

I said how many people wanna kick some ass?
How many people wanna kick some ass?
What you gonna do when your sick of holding it back?
I think I kick some ass
How many people wanna kick some ass?
I would if I could

But I'm really just a sensitive caster
Perpetrating like I'm the tank master

proving I can 'voke faster

but I'm really just a sensitive caster

Honest