In the land of Vana'diel there is a new dirty word. A word that if uttered will have a swarm of GMs decend on you, carry you to Mordian Goal and wash your mouth out with a Chocobo's Rectal Feather. That word children is Gilseller. Yea, we all hate them, but the desire to perform ethich cleansing on Vana'diel has made life for the rest of us a living hell. It would seem that you can't walk out of your Mog House without someone calling you a Gilseller.
So I have taken time to comprise a list of how to spot a gilseller by today's standards:
1. Own a Content ID
2. Have a created a character
3. Have leveled a job
4. Sell items on Auction House
5. Buy items on Auction House
6. Kill Monsters
7. Craft
8. Ride a Chocobo
9. Be in a Zone
10. Be in your Mog House
If you spot any of the above behaviors call a GM fast. If you, yourself are exhibiting any of the following behavior, please Delete your content ID, cancel your Highspeed connection and go in a dark corner with a knife and pretend you are Bad Dark Knight.
Okay, I know that that pretty much describes anyone playing FFXI, but it is getting that bad. To make matters worse, SE is doing nothing more than making the problem worse. If anything they are driving us to the Gilsellers with open arms and not even for the "OMG I MUST HAVS THE UBER L33T SHIZNIT", soon enough we are going to be running to them just to buy Shihei. I am waiting for the day I see Ninjas in the dark alleys in Jeuno peforming alittle {Subtle Blow} for Makibishi.
It used to be that you when your pockets started running low you could head out and farm. Now if you farm you violating pretty much all of the above signs that you are gilseller. Remember Mistletoe? I do, used to make a killing off of it in Lufaise Meadows. You crafters out there might remember Remedy, I do, since that is why my mistletoe sold, but then SE when and cut the price the Remedy sold to a shop, now giant trees are overrunning the world. I never understood that. it was Remedy, it was not even being sold to the players, it was being sold to an NPC, it was nothing more than a craft and burn. No one was hurt, in fact all of us mistletoe farmers liked it much. Now just in time for the holidays I am going to have to cut my shopping list short, why you may wonder, because SE had gone and done it again. This time it seems that we have been overfarming the poor Bugards in Misareaux Coast. They have been driven so close to extintion for they wonderful hides that SE was forced to shutdown all hide trading pos.... ah the hell with it. SE went and fucked us over again. One of the last good farming items was Bugard Hides, namely the HQ but we would make do with the regular hides. However in another attempt to save Vana'diel from the evil Gilseller SE went and killed the NPC sell price. Some days I have to wonder does SE really want people to play? Do they not like our money? Since if the current trend stays there will be no one left playing game but Gilsellers since they have nothing better to with their time but earn gil.
I choose what I farm based on convenience. I still want to have time in my day to party, help out friend, do some Campaign or whatever. I don't play this game to spend 365 days a year to farm and that the end of it all have nothing to show for. Altana forbid I try craft, because the minute I craft the same item more than twice someone is going to send a GM call accusing me of "Using the AH for RMT purposes." I could go and try to camp an NM, but that would make everyone think that I am dirty, nasty Gilseller. I guess that I only have one choice left. I should of known that SE have something else in mind when they gave us the DNC job. Looks like I have some new moves for when I go back to work at the Rusty Anchor.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Free Time {Can I Have it?}
Like both in and out of Vana'diel has thrown me some curve balls. Heatlh and Well being have kept me from all the things I love. So this Red Mage has laid down both Quill and Sword for a bit...
Saturday, February 2, 2008
Everything I need to know about Adventuring I learned from my Mother.
When I was still only Knee high to a Galka, my mother would regail me of with her adventuring days. Unbeknownst to me the simple lessons my mother taught me would carry me through the my adventurers. There are some lessons my mother taught me are just more common sense, like she always told me to air out my subligar at least once a day.
1. A Good Meal Will help you survive the day.
Yuppers, mom was right. Food has been a wonderful part of adventurering. I can eat all the sweets I want, and all that running around keeps me looking hot.
2. Dress for the job you want.
One would not wear Chocobo Riding Gear to go Mining in, nor should a Dragoon Wear Full AF to party in.
3. Too much of good thing will come back to haunt you,
I know that Burst looks really pretty, and it makes a "Big Badda Boom" but it will also cause the Sea Monk to take a "Big Badda Chunk" out of your Defensless BLM Rear.
4. You don't always want to be the center of attention
Bridesmaid dresses are ugly for the same reason Paladins are shiney, it keeps the atteniton where it supposed to be.
5. Do unto others....
That's right piss off the Paladin long enough they will "Forget" they have Cover
6. Just because everybody else is doing it....
Yea, I know all the cool kids play with clubs, but the last 5 minutes of Assualt is not the time to level your club skill.
7. Teamwork makes things easier
Vana'diel is a lot like sex, things are better with a group.
8. It's not polite to point...
Death, much like is a Fact of Life in Vana'diel, when it happens deal with it. Don't blame the Tank.
9. What does not kill you will only make you stronger...
Solo WHM to level 10.
Valkrum Dunes
Magicked Skull
Valkrum Dunes again to level your Subjob
Getting to Jeuno on your own the first time
Kazahm Airship Pass
See, your still here, and I bet you're alot stronger now.
10. If you do not learn from your mistakes you are doomed to repeat them.
You can never escape Valkrum Dunes, but you learn alot everytime you go back there.
1. A Good Meal Will help you survive the day.
Yuppers, mom was right. Food has been a wonderful part of adventurering. I can eat all the sweets I want, and all that running around keeps me looking hot.
2. Dress for the job you want.
One would not wear Chocobo Riding Gear to go Mining in, nor should a Dragoon Wear Full AF to party in.
3. Too much of good thing will come back to haunt you,
I know that Burst looks really pretty, and it makes a "Big Badda Boom" but it will also cause the Sea Monk to take a "Big Badda Chunk" out of your Defensless BLM Rear.
4. You don't always want to be the center of attention
Bridesmaid dresses are ugly for the same reason Paladins are shiney, it keeps the atteniton where it supposed to be.
5. Do unto others....
That's right piss off the Paladin long enough they will "Forget" they have Cover
6. Just because everybody else is doing it....
Yea, I know all the cool kids play with clubs, but the last 5 minutes of Assualt is not the time to level your club skill.
7. Teamwork makes things easier
Vana'diel is a lot like sex, things are better with a group.
8. It's not polite to point...
Death, much like is a Fact of Life in Vana'diel, when it happens deal with it. Don't blame the Tank.
9. What does not kill you will only make you stronger...
Solo WHM to level 10.
Valkrum Dunes
Magicked Skull
Valkrum Dunes again to level your Subjob
Getting to Jeuno on your own the first time
Kazahm Airship Pass
See, your still here, and I bet you're alot stronger now.
10. If you do not learn from your mistakes you are doomed to repeat them.
You can never escape Valkrum Dunes, but you learn alot everytime you go back there.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Slasher Kitty Does Sandy *Sort of NSFW*
Once upon a time there was a Samurai who had it all. She had achieved great things in the land of Vana'diel, and her Tachi:Kasha brought all the Taru boys to the yard(and everyone else for that matter), but alas she was not happy with that. She was always looking for another challenge. One day she was wondering through the Seedy part of San d'Oria when when she came across an Elvaan. Now she knew this Elvaan for his mastery of Palandromic Arts and was surprised when he complimented her on her great feats using a Polearm. She figured he had seen her last performance at the Rusty Anchor.
"I hardly think that Pole Dancing in Selbina Butter has anything to do with my skills in battle, but thank you for enjoying my show." she said without even stopping.
"While I find your skills on the 'Stage' to be impressive." he said with a sly grin, "I refer to your reputation in battle." Our young Samurai stopped to listen to what the old man had to say.
"I have heard many great things about how your skilled hands grip the shaft of a polarm, and I think that you talents are just what I need to help train the young Knights."
"Really"
"Yes, I want you to test a new 'Training Exercise' I have created and hope to use on the Knights one day."
"Why me?"
"I feel that your skilled hands have what it takes to work this polearm to it's full potential" She took the Polearm and left to head back to her Mog House, the only thought that was running through her mind was "What, No Butter?"
Several days later she emerged from her Mog House, arms stronger and jaw sore. She has "worked" the Polearm so well that she had um... "rubbed" some of the San d'Orian Royal Symbols off of the pole. She returned to Balasiel and he was, well let's say not to pleased.
"For the Love of Altana I expected you to hone this pole in battle!"
"Um.. some better instructions would have helped."
"This is what I get for trusting a Bastokian to aide the Royal Knights."
"Well... Lets see, you see me dance and then give me a pole to play with, what did you expect me to do."
"Here..." he shoved some papers into her hands. "This is for your punishment. I need to sterilize this pole so it may once again be used by the Royal Knights. So it is up to you to bring me back a special cleanser. Do that and I might be willing to give you a reward."
"um.. okay."
That kiddies is when our little Samurai came knocking at my Mog House door.
"Open up." I was at the time having an argument with my moogle over the fact that he will not stop rearranging my mannequins. "Come on, open up."
"What did you do this time?"
"What do you mean? Why do you always think I have done something wrong, can't a kitty just want to visit her favorite Red Mage?"
"Uh-huh... because when kitty just wants to visit she tends to use the key I gave her."
"Damn... okay, yea I messed up. I have managed to anger San d'Oria"
"San d'Oria is a nation."
"Yea I know, but when you 'ruin' an item belonging to the Temple Knights you tend to piss people off."
"..."
"So...anyway... I have this map, and I need to go retrieve something. You and I both know how this works, so I need my Red Mage. You in?"
"Hmm... let's see, possible death and damnation to a fell a foe greater than us? Sure I'm in, under one condition. NO SEWERS!!! If I bring my dry cleaner one more poo water stained pair of shorts, I will have to do Windurst to get my pants cleaned."
"Yea and we know how often you need your shorts cleaned, but don't worry, no sewers this time."
"Just gather the troops before I send you to The Vahzal Gate Crystal on a level one job."
"As for you..." I turned to my Moogle. "you move another manaquinn around and I will have Moogle Pie for dinner."
"but Kupo, your Mog House is aglow with Peace and Love."
"Uh-huh, just remember that my Knives are aglow with sharpness."
It took our little Samurai some time to gather the troops since most of the usual suspects were still wondering how she could piss off an entire nation, but alas she was able to find a couple of people who were willing to aide her cause. The first that she found was Friend Formally known as Samurai Friend, he stars today as: "Paladin Flavored Meat Shield" and he brings along with him "White Meat Girlfriend" as "White Mage Flavored Tarutaru Pop."
A few teleports and a chocobo ride later we landed at the first part of our destination, Sea Serpent Grotto. I was giving our little Samurai the evil eye.
"What, you said now Sewers, this is not a sewer."
"IT'S A SWAMP!!!!"
"Technically it is a Grotto." chimed in Formerly
"I don't see the girls of Playhume running around here, nor do I see Hume Hefner handing me a drink, so this kiddies is a swamp. I will have you know that I am dragging you all to meet Bloody Iron and you can explain why he is cleaning Shaghrin Poo out of my shorts."
"Just follow me." said Samurai kitty, trying to quell my rage a bit.
Once very long walk later we reached a door, a very Ortamented Door. In fact I think I will come out here and mug of Sahagrin since it seems that they have the 'clink-clink' I am looking for.
*Red Mage Cast "Door Open"*
"Big-Fancy Door Reisit the Spell*
"Okay, who has the keys?" All eyes landed on SK who has one of those "Chocobo hit with Flash" looks about her.
"No one told me I needed a key..." So we headed off on a little detour to Norg.
Formerly, White Meat and Me grabbed a cup of Opo-Opa brew in bar while SK went off to see about a key. After some chatting it does seem that someone had a spare key, but it was going to cost her to get it. So she headed out alone while I put Paladin Vitality to the test. I ordered up a bottle of Rolanberry 864 and couple of Glasses.
"So let's see if Paladin's are have as much Vitality as everyone claims." I sat down a glass in front of each of us. "Here are the group rules, No Spells, no abilities. White Meat over there will keep score, we drink one for one till the ticker is done. Last one still standing wins."
The first three shots went down smooth, then Formerly tried to cheat.
"Sentinel, what's a matter saying that you can't win this?"
"It was an accident"
"Sure...keep drinking pally."
Three more drinks went down and Formerly was starting to look like he was Formerly know as being sober.
"Aww I thought Paladin's were known for there vitality"
"I...fink...you are...chebing...I fink you've got stomeslim."
Two more drinks went down when I heard a chirp in my ear. It was SK on the linkpearl.
"Um... Raise Can I have it?"
"What in the name of Altana happened."
"Crab..."
"What is it with you and crabs..." I slammed down my last drink.
"Sorry hun, we have to call this one a draw." Not so much a draw since Formerly was slumped over in his chair mumbling about two Galka and a mithra walking into a bar.
"What do you means a draw. I whus winning."
"Only in your mind hun." I stood up without even needing an erase. Brushed some rock salt off my Tabard and headed out into the Swamp...I mean Grotto.
Back up to my ankles in leech dropping I found where SK was tasting Dirt. Before me stood the crab that had taking a chunk out SK's rear. It did not last long under the blade of a Red Mage and soon I skewered a little crab meat and had a little seafood shish-ka-bob. I left SK to finishing getting her key, and went back to Norg to see how Formerly was recovering.
Let's just say things back in Norg were not as good as I had hoped. Formerly was up on a table in the bar swearing that he could Shield Bash any man in this room, and somehow he had lost his pants. I swirled down a Blinding Potion while White Meat, WM for Short, ordered up some Imperial Coffee and a couple of Vile Elixirs. A half a pot of coffee later and we got our dear Paladin off of the table and back into his pants, which was good since it was about the time the Blinding potion wore off. Right about the time that WM gave up and just started casting erase is when SK tumbled in through the door, wet and muddy, but she had a key. It was time to set out and finally retrieve SK's much need cleanser.
"Sober Paladin?" Formerly was up, coherent and thankfully fully clothed.
"Check" He responded sounding only slightly foggy, "don't worry the walk there will shake off the rest of it."
"Key to big Fancy Do...Hey get that out of your mouth." I look over to see SK "lubricating" the key. "Your mouth has gotten you into enough trouble."
"Check." she mumbled
"White Meat?" I looked around for WM, "Um... who ate the Tarutaru Pop?"
"Down here." Opps, should of checked behind the Paladin. "Check"
"One Lovely and Fabulous Red Mage...Che-ck."
Arm-in-arm we skipped through the swamp singing "We're off to get the Cleanser, the wonderful cleanser of jizz..."
Finally we had found the "moist" hole that SK was to retrieve the "cleanser" from. Knowing that things are never as easy as they seem, we were ready for any surprises that came our way, and all I can say is, we thought we actually found something that screw better than Slasher Kitty, well at least screwdriver. The good news is that Formerly's vitality held up better here than back in the bar. The joys of being in a swamp showed through, poor WM thought that her Barwater was not working, but it turned out to be a drip in the ceiling. The battle was pitched, the Water Leaper kept trying to screwdriver are dear SK, but her powers were mightier, since she absorbed it like it was nothing. Finally the beast fell and SK was once again "searching" a moist hole, this time however she found a bottle of "Splash Breath Sanitizer and Degreaser" One teleport later I free myself from the swamp and decied that I it must be my place in life to fund the my dry cleaner's children's college education.
The green fields of La Theine Plateau were a welcomed change to the Swamp, I mean Grotto that we has poofed out of. WM mumbled something about taking formerly home and getting him some Remedy, or was it hair of the Galka and putting him to bed. I was not to sure since I was more interested in the reason SK was getting naked in front of the Chocobo Lady.
"Um..."
"What I like the way the Chocobo Feather feel against my skin." At that point I knew it was going to be a long trip back to San d'Oria. I paid my gill and hoped my bird as "Mithra Godiva" did the same and we made our way back to San d'Oria.
SK headed off to try to get back into San d'Oria's good graces I head to the mog for a much deserved change of clothes, Thinking that this ordeal was finally over. No sooner did I get behind the Tarutaru Folding screen did the Link start beeping.
"Um.. Are new weapon skills supposed to come with pictures?" SK beeped in my ear.
"Not last time I checked."
"Balasiel and the Prince just took my picture."
"Just take your prize and meet me at the docks, let get back to Bastok before you piss anyone else off."
Several Weeks Later.
Things in Vana'diel had relaxed. SK was no longer persona non grata in San d'Oria. Formerly keeps calling me looking for a rematch in Norg, WM keeps a stack of Remedy in her bag for next time we all set off. Myself, I sit in the courtyard of the enjoying some Tea with a friend who just happened to be on the Royal Knights.
"So how goes training?" I asked pour another cup of tea.
"Improved greatly actually."
"Oh?"
"Yes, we have just started a new training program."
"Oh, yet another 'We are better than everyone else' plan I take it?"
"No, we have been studying Polearm. Trion and Balasiel came up with a new plan." I spit tea across the blanket.
"Um... you said you were studying Polearm with a new training method?"
"Yes, I am really 'Polishing' my skills since we started. Hell, I can't wait to get home at night and work my Polearm now."
"Just what does this new plan entail?"
"Here take a look, I think you will understand this." he reached into his bag and handed a training manual. "I am not supposed to share this with people so please don't tell anyone."
I looked at the manual and, to be honest I was not surprised....
New Training Manual
**************
Yea, this WSNM was not as eventful as the others I have, but when I saw:
Impulse Drive Text
I could not resist a little fun.
Thank you to everyone who helped that day and....
~*~Congratulation to Slasher Kitty on Impulse Drive!!!!~*~
"I hardly think that Pole Dancing in Selbina Butter has anything to do with my skills in battle, but thank you for enjoying my show." she said without even stopping.
"While I find your skills on the 'Stage' to be impressive." he said with a sly grin, "I refer to your reputation in battle." Our young Samurai stopped to listen to what the old man had to say.
"I have heard many great things about how your skilled hands grip the shaft of a polarm, and I think that you talents are just what I need to help train the young Knights."
"Really"
"Yes, I want you to test a new 'Training Exercise' I have created and hope to use on the Knights one day."
"Why me?"
"I feel that your skilled hands have what it takes to work this polearm to it's full potential" She took the Polearm and left to head back to her Mog House, the only thought that was running through her mind was "What, No Butter?"
Several days later she emerged from her Mog House, arms stronger and jaw sore. She has "worked" the Polearm so well that she had um... "rubbed" some of the San d'Orian Royal Symbols off of the pole. She returned to Balasiel and he was, well let's say not to pleased.
"For the Love of Altana I expected you to hone this pole in battle!"
"Um.. some better instructions would have helped."
"This is what I get for trusting a Bastokian to aide the Royal Knights."
"Well... Lets see, you see me dance and then give me a pole to play with, what did you expect me to do."
"Here..." he shoved some papers into her hands. "This is for your punishment. I need to sterilize this pole so it may once again be used by the Royal Knights. So it is up to you to bring me back a special cleanser. Do that and I might be willing to give you a reward."
"um.. okay."
That kiddies is when our little Samurai came knocking at my Mog House door.
"Open up." I was at the time having an argument with my moogle over the fact that he will not stop rearranging my mannequins. "Come on, open up."
"What did you do this time?"
"What do you mean? Why do you always think I have done something wrong, can't a kitty just want to visit her favorite Red Mage?"
"Uh-huh... because when kitty just wants to visit she tends to use the key I gave her."
"Damn... okay, yea I messed up. I have managed to anger San d'Oria"
"San d'Oria is a nation."
"Yea I know, but when you 'ruin' an item belonging to the Temple Knights you tend to piss people off."
"..."
"So...anyway... I have this map, and I need to go retrieve something. You and I both know how this works, so I need my Red Mage. You in?"
"Hmm... let's see, possible death and damnation to a fell a foe greater than us? Sure I'm in, under one condition. NO SEWERS!!! If I bring my dry cleaner one more poo water stained pair of shorts, I will have to do Windurst to get my pants cleaned."
"Yea and we know how often you need your shorts cleaned, but don't worry, no sewers this time."
"Just gather the troops before I send you to The Vahzal Gate Crystal on a level one job."
"As for you..." I turned to my Moogle. "you move another manaquinn around and I will have Moogle Pie for dinner."
"but Kupo, your Mog House is aglow with Peace and Love."
"Uh-huh, just remember that my Knives are aglow with sharpness."
It took our little Samurai some time to gather the troops since most of the usual suspects were still wondering how she could piss off an entire nation, but alas she was able to find a couple of people who were willing to aide her cause. The first that she found was Friend Formally known as Samurai Friend, he stars today as: "Paladin Flavored Meat Shield" and he brings along with him "White Meat Girlfriend" as "White Mage Flavored Tarutaru Pop."
A few teleports and a chocobo ride later we landed at the first part of our destination, Sea Serpent Grotto. I was giving our little Samurai the evil eye.
"What, you said now Sewers, this is not a sewer."
"IT'S A SWAMP!!!!"
"Technically it is a Grotto." chimed in Formerly
"I don't see the girls of Playhume running around here, nor do I see Hume Hefner handing me a drink, so this kiddies is a swamp. I will have you know that I am dragging you all to meet Bloody Iron and you can explain why he is cleaning Shaghrin Poo out of my shorts."
"Just follow me." said Samurai kitty, trying to quell my rage a bit.
Once very long walk later we reached a door, a very Ortamented Door. In fact I think I will come out here and mug of Sahagrin since it seems that they have the 'clink-clink' I am looking for.
*Red Mage Cast "Door Open"*
"Big-Fancy Door Reisit the Spell*
"Okay, who has the keys?" All eyes landed on SK who has one of those "Chocobo hit with Flash" looks about her.
"No one told me I needed a key..." So we headed off on a little detour to Norg.
Formerly, White Meat and Me grabbed a cup of Opo-Opa brew in bar while SK went off to see about a key. After some chatting it does seem that someone had a spare key, but it was going to cost her to get it. So she headed out alone while I put Paladin Vitality to the test. I ordered up a bottle of Rolanberry 864 and couple of Glasses.
"So let's see if Paladin's are have as much Vitality as everyone claims." I sat down a glass in front of each of us. "Here are the group rules, No Spells, no abilities. White Meat over there will keep score, we drink one for one till the ticker is done. Last one still standing wins."
The first three shots went down smooth, then Formerly tried to cheat.
"Sentinel, what's a matter saying that you can't win this?"
"It was an accident"
"Sure...keep drinking pally."
Three more drinks went down and Formerly was starting to look like he was Formerly know as being sober.
"Aww I thought Paladin's were known for there vitality"
"I...fink...you are...chebing...I fink you've got stomeslim."
Two more drinks went down when I heard a chirp in my ear. It was SK on the linkpearl.
"Um... Raise Can I have it?"
"What in the name of Altana happened."
"Crab..."
"What is it with you and crabs..." I slammed down my last drink.
"Sorry hun, we have to call this one a draw." Not so much a draw since Formerly was slumped over in his chair mumbling about two Galka and a mithra walking into a bar.
"What do you means a draw. I whus winning."
"Only in your mind hun." I stood up without even needing an erase. Brushed some rock salt off my Tabard and headed out into the Swamp...I mean Grotto.
Back up to my ankles in leech dropping I found where SK was tasting Dirt. Before me stood the crab that had taking a chunk out SK's rear. It did not last long under the blade of a Red Mage and soon I skewered a little crab meat and had a little seafood shish-ka-bob. I left SK to finishing getting her key, and went back to Norg to see how Formerly was recovering.
Let's just say things back in Norg were not as good as I had hoped. Formerly was up on a table in the bar swearing that he could Shield Bash any man in this room, and somehow he had lost his pants. I swirled down a Blinding Potion while White Meat, WM for Short, ordered up some Imperial Coffee and a couple of Vile Elixirs. A half a pot of coffee later and we got our dear Paladin off of the table and back into his pants, which was good since it was about the time the Blinding potion wore off. Right about the time that WM gave up and just started casting erase is when SK tumbled in through the door, wet and muddy, but she had a key. It was time to set out and finally retrieve SK's much need cleanser.
"Sober Paladin?" Formerly was up, coherent and thankfully fully clothed.
"Check" He responded sounding only slightly foggy, "don't worry the walk there will shake off the rest of it."
"Key to big Fancy Do...Hey get that out of your mouth." I look over to see SK "lubricating" the key. "Your mouth has gotten you into enough trouble."
"Check." she mumbled
"White Meat?" I looked around for WM, "Um... who ate the Tarutaru Pop?"
"Down here." Opps, should of checked behind the Paladin. "Check"
"One Lovely and Fabulous Red Mage...Che-ck."
Arm-in-arm we skipped through the swamp singing "We're off to get the Cleanser, the wonderful cleanser of jizz..."
Finally we had found the "moist" hole that SK was to retrieve the "cleanser" from. Knowing that things are never as easy as they seem, we were ready for any surprises that came our way, and all I can say is, we thought we actually found something that screw better than Slasher Kitty, well at least screwdriver. The good news is that Formerly's vitality held up better here than back in the bar. The joys of being in a swamp showed through, poor WM thought that her Barwater was not working, but it turned out to be a drip in the ceiling. The battle was pitched, the Water Leaper kept trying to screwdriver are dear SK, but her powers were mightier, since she absorbed it like it was nothing. Finally the beast fell and SK was once again "searching" a moist hole, this time however she found a bottle of "Splash Breath Sanitizer and Degreaser" One teleport later I free myself from the swamp and decied that I it must be my place in life to fund the my dry cleaner's children's college education.
The green fields of La Theine Plateau were a welcomed change to the Swamp, I mean Grotto that we has poofed out of. WM mumbled something about taking formerly home and getting him some Remedy, or was it hair of the Galka and putting him to bed. I was not to sure since I was more interested in the reason SK was getting naked in front of the Chocobo Lady.
"Um..."
"What I like the way the Chocobo Feather feel against my skin." At that point I knew it was going to be a long trip back to San d'Oria. I paid my gill and hoped my bird as "Mithra Godiva" did the same and we made our way back to San d'Oria.
SK headed off to try to get back into San d'Oria's good graces I head to the mog for a much deserved change of clothes, Thinking that this ordeal was finally over. No sooner did I get behind the Tarutaru Folding screen did the Link start beeping.
"Um.. Are new weapon skills supposed to come with pictures?" SK beeped in my ear.
"Not last time I checked."
"Balasiel and the Prince just took my picture."
"Just take your prize and meet me at the docks, let get back to Bastok before you piss anyone else off."
Several Weeks Later.
Things in Vana'diel had relaxed. SK was no longer persona non grata in San d'Oria. Formerly keeps calling me looking for a rematch in Norg, WM keeps a stack of Remedy in her bag for next time we all set off. Myself, I sit in the courtyard of the
"So how goes training?" I asked pour another cup of tea.
"Improved greatly actually."
"Oh?"
"Yes, we have just started a new training program."
"Oh, yet another 'We are better than everyone else' plan I take it?"
"No, we have been studying Polearm. Trion and Balasiel came up with a new plan." I spit tea across the blanket.
"Um... you said you were studying Polearm with a new training method?"
"Yes, I am really 'Polishing' my skills since we started. Hell, I can't wait to get home at night and work my Polearm now."
"Just what does this new plan entail?"
"Here take a look, I think you will understand this." he reached into his bag and handed a training manual. "I am not supposed to share this with people so please don't tell anyone."
I looked at the manual and, to be honest I was not surprised....
New Training Manual
**************
Yea, this WSNM was not as eventful as the others I have, but when I saw:
Impulse Drive Text
I could not resist a little fun.
Thank you to everyone who helped that day and....
Monday, November 26, 2007
The Boyahda Tree Project
It was a stormy Darksday when two adventures headed into the The Boyahda Tree with nothing more than their blades and jumbo-sized vat of melted Seblina butter. They were never seen again. Weeks later a Ranger Scavenged their footage from the marshy soil...
Not knowing what he had stumbled across the Ranger brought the footage back to his home nation of Windurst. Several Tarutaru in the Aurastary tried to recover the film but no form of magic was able to retrieve the data. The call was sent to the great engineer. The footage was sent over to Bastok and straight up to Cid's lab. He toiled over the footage for several Vana'diel weeks and finally was able to recover the film.
"ha ha, When are those Tarutaru going to learn that it is about manual labor not simple spell cast that solves most problems..." Cid who had viewed most of the film while trying to restore it called in the Mythral Musketeer and the Ranger who found the tapes.
"I think you should take a look at this, I think this is those two Adventurers that went missing not to long ago." The Ranger, and several other gathered in Cid's lab and queued up the film. The footage was not best, badly degraded from the mossy ground it had spent time in ground, but the start seemed to be the start of an Adventurers day....
"It's Darksday, I have no clue what day, but I think the year is 1035..."
"Yea 1035...come on let's go..." Two Adventurers an A very attractive Hume Red Mage and a cute little Mithra Samurai looked like they were standing outside of the entrance to The Boyahda Tree.
"No, I am not getting all the way there and finding out I forgot something."
"..."
"Food?"
"Got it.."
"Weapons, ammunition and the like?"
"Got it"
"15lbs of Selbina Butter and Fire Crystals?"
"Fire Crystals, got it..." The Mithra suddenly started to blush.
"Come on, *please* don't tell me that you stashed the butter in your Mog House again? I thought you already stocked up last time." There was giggling and sticking out of tongues. The two looked happy.
"I've got the butter, but it is only 10lbs worth. I was running low and I have a friend coming over tonight."
"You are not borrowing the camera after the last time, I am still trying get butter out of the some of the dials." There was more laughing and motions made. "Okay, let's go...Oh! you got a way to get home, I am not going to feel like walking off a Crab Boil."
"Yea I'm good."
The two entered the tree still laughing and poking fun at each other. The tape cut in and out a bit here, but it seems that they had made plans to get to top of tree. Soon thou it broke into a much darker tone. No longer was the group staring at the faces of two happy carefree adventurers.
The Samurai had her blade raised in battle as did the Red Mage what they were fighting could not been seen from the angle the camera was positioned.
"Nothing wants to stick." The Red Mage said, breath heavy. It seemed that she had taken allot of Damage.
"We'll be fine."
"I don't know it's just too fast."
The footage broke up some more or maybe the camera was getting tossed around.
"We have one shot to run away. When I say go we get the hell out of here." The Red Mage geared out and began casting a spell. The Quality was too bad to tell what spell was being cast. "Let's go!" The video shook wildly at this point before cutting out again.
"Where are we!" shouted the Red Mage
"I don't know." flushed the Samurai, both looked beaten, tired and sullen. "It is still behind us?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE, I THOUGHT YOU HAD A MAP."
"I NEVER GOT THAT COFFER."
"I think I hear something." The Red Mage look back around a corner. "RUUUN!!!!" both head off in different directions. The camera seemed to hit the ground at this point along with the Mage. She was down but not taken out. She dragged herself up and attempted to get one final cast off. Next thing she was running.
The footage cutout again. The footage came back in the camera was close on the Red Mage's Face.
"I don't know where I am right now or if anyone will ever see this, but I am alone, being chased but *it*. I don't know how much time I have, but *it* just won't leave. I lost my kitty. I have to go look for her now, but I don't know where *it* is." Her word were heavy and she was out of breath. She raised her head skyward. "Altana, please if you can hear me, I want to see my kitty again, I want to see Bastok again." Sounds are heard and a look of panic runs across her face.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" she screamed "IT'S BACK AGAIN, WILL IT EVER STOP CHASING ME!!!" she runs with the camera bouncing around. This last for a few minutes and then the screen goes black. The black only last for a moment. We open to another place in the tree.
"Thank Altana I found you. I was scared that I would never see you again."
"..."
"Why are standing in the corner like that?" There was a crash and the film cutout once again, this did not seem to be the footage, just the camera went black.
The was a still in the room till the Ranger fled the room screaming, it was just more than he could handle. Iron Eater was the first to speak. "Is that all you could recover?"
Okay, okay so Slasher Kitty and I were seen again, but we did encounter *it* in the The Boyahda Tree and *it* is one VERY mean Crab by the way of Aquarius. We were feeling a little cocky after taking down a certain Buffalo name Bonnacon we thought that a Crab was going to be nothing much, but let me tell you kiddies, that crab raped us hard. He did not even bother to use all that Selbina Butter that Slasher Kitty was carrying around with her(and no, she does not carry it around because we fight allot of crabs). Aquarius and his "Hundred Claws" made chopped meat out of us, but we dusted ourselves off and eliminated a few hundred Steelshells as revenge.
Not knowing what he had stumbled across the Ranger brought the footage back to his home nation of Windurst. Several Tarutaru in the Aurastary tried to recover the film but no form of magic was able to retrieve the data. The call was sent to the great engineer. The footage was sent over to Bastok and straight up to Cid's lab. He toiled over the footage for several Vana'diel weeks and finally was able to recover the film.
"ha ha, When are those Tarutaru going to learn that it is about manual labor not simple spell cast that solves most problems..." Cid who had viewed most of the film while trying to restore it called in the Mythral Musketeer and the Ranger who found the tapes.
"I think you should take a look at this, I think this is those two Adventurers that went missing not to long ago." The Ranger, and several other gathered in Cid's lab and queued up the film. The footage was not best, badly degraded from the mossy ground it had spent time in ground, but the start seemed to be the start of an Adventurers day....
"It's Darksday, I have no clue what day, but I think the year is 1035..."
"Yea 1035...come on let's go..." Two Adventurers an A very attractive Hume Red Mage and a cute little Mithra Samurai looked like they were standing outside of the entrance to The Boyahda Tree.
"No, I am not getting all the way there and finding out I forgot something."
"..."
"Food?"
"Got it.."
"Weapons, ammunition and the like?"
"Got it"
"15lbs of Selbina Butter and Fire Crystals?"
"Fire Crystals, got it..." The Mithra suddenly started to blush.
"Come on, *please* don't tell me that you stashed the butter in your Mog House again? I thought you already stocked up last time." There was giggling and sticking out of tongues. The two looked happy.
"I've got the butter, but it is only 10lbs worth. I was running low and I have a friend coming over tonight."
"You are not borrowing the camera after the last time, I am still trying get butter out of the some of the dials." There was more laughing and motions made. "Okay, let's go...Oh! you got a way to get home, I am not going to feel like walking off a Crab Boil."
"Yea I'm good."
The two entered the tree still laughing and poking fun at each other. The tape cut in and out a bit here, but it seems that they had made plans to get to top of tree. Soon thou it broke into a much darker tone. No longer was the group staring at the faces of two happy carefree adventurers.
The Samurai had her blade raised in battle as did the Red Mage what they were fighting could not been seen from the angle the camera was positioned.
"Nothing wants to stick." The Red Mage said, breath heavy. It seemed that she had taken allot of Damage.
"We'll be fine."
"I don't know it's just too fast."
The footage broke up some more or maybe the camera was getting tossed around.
"We have one shot to run away. When I say go we get the hell out of here." The Red Mage geared out and began casting a spell. The Quality was too bad to tell what spell was being cast. "Let's go!" The video shook wildly at this point before cutting out again.
"Where are we!" shouted the Red Mage
"I don't know." flushed the Samurai, both looked beaten, tired and sullen. "It is still behind us?"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE, I THOUGHT YOU HAD A MAP."
"I NEVER GOT THAT COFFER."
"I think I hear something." The Red Mage look back around a corner. "RUUUN!!!!" both head off in different directions. The camera seemed to hit the ground at this point along with the Mage. She was down but not taken out. She dragged herself up and attempted to get one final cast off. Next thing she was running.
The footage cutout again. The footage came back in the camera was close on the Red Mage's Face.
"I don't know where I am right now or if anyone will ever see this, but I am alone, being chased but *it*. I don't know how much time I have, but *it* just won't leave. I lost my kitty. I have to go look for her now, but I don't know where *it* is." Her word were heavy and she was out of breath. She raised her head skyward. "Altana, please if you can hear me, I want to see my kitty again, I want to see Bastok again." Sounds are heard and a look of panic runs across her face.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" she screamed "IT'S BACK AGAIN, WILL IT EVER STOP CHASING ME!!!" she runs with the camera bouncing around. This last for a few minutes and then the screen goes black. The black only last for a moment. We open to another place in the tree.
"Thank Altana I found you. I was scared that I would never see you again."
"..."
"Why are standing in the corner like that?" There was a crash and the film cutout once again, this did not seem to be the footage, just the camera went black.
The was a still in the room till the Ranger fled the room screaming, it was just more than he could handle. Iron Eater was the first to speak. "Is that all you could recover?"
Okay, okay so Slasher Kitty and I were seen again, but we did encounter *it* in the The Boyahda Tree and *it* is one VERY mean Crab by the way of Aquarius. We were feeling a little cocky after taking down a certain Buffalo name Bonnacon we thought that a Crab was going to be nothing much, but let me tell you kiddies, that crab raped us hard. He did not even bother to use all that Selbina Butter that Slasher Kitty was carrying around with her(and no, she does not carry it around because we fight allot of crabs). Aquarius and his "Hundred Claws" made chopped meat out of us, but we dusted ourselves off and eliminated a few hundred Steelshells as revenge.
Monday, November 19, 2007
For Al Zahbi?
I have gained a strong love/hate relationship with Besieged. I so much want to do my Red Mage duty and defend Al Zahbi, but besieged leaves alot to be desired. So why oh why do I keep finding myself in Al Zahbi trying to see through the hellish Lag and attepmting to do anything even though I feel like I do nothing. So I sit down in next to HQ Warp Taru(I loathe him, but I have to do what I can) doing alittle money laundering of my own and I think why do people Besiege. Are they truly there for the honor of defending Al Zahbi from the beastman hordes? Do they just have nothing better to do? I feel a vibration from my hip and see that I have recieved a message. It is from a friend in Al Zahbi, the words are chilling: "They are coming again...."
Being a Red Mage who demands answers I grab some Parchment, Black Ink and pulled a feather from my hat and started to ask around while I waited for the Undead Swarm to break through the Gates of Al Zahbi. I pestered anyone who would stop and talk to me, and I found that no one really gives a shit about Al Zahbi, the desire to besieged is all of a Me, Me, Me affair.
Group One: Nobody Loves Me
First Person I asked was a Dragoon, he was elvaan so the eye was natually drawn to him. He just sort of looked at me and laughed. "This is the only way I can get EXP, I am not lucky like a RDM who barley has to put their flag up to get a party invite. To me this is just a way to actually get to stick my Lance into something." His Wyvern, Rover was sitting obediently by his side, seemed to perk up at the idea of actually geting to kill someting. "I really don't care much about Al Zahbi, I mean this place really needs better security, they can't keep relying on us to keep this place safe."
As I was gathering my notes together from the Dragoon, I tripped over something. I looked down to find I had just stumbled over a tarutaru Dark Knight. After I apologized I ask, "Waiting for your chance to defend Al Zahbi?"
"I don't give a flying Galka about Al Zahbi." he laughed "No one loves the Dark Knight, it has been so long since I have gotten to bloody my blade that I crave the thrill of the fight."
"I like Dark Knights..."
"You are a rare one Miss, I can sit waiting for a Party to ask me for days, Besieged is the only way that I can level, and even in here I have to go at it solo..." He walked away in a huff. 'The Plight of the Dark Knight' I thought to myself. Tragic....
It would seem that no one loved Al Zahbi, or cared for the tiny Warp Taru who is often subjected to {Rear} {Hole} {Penta Thrust} by a burly Troll Destroyer who likes to sing show tunes, No wonder he never gets a chance learn how to Warp people correctly. I was wondering around looking for more people to talk to about this curious situation when I heard a commotion coming from a remote corner of Al Zahbi. I figured that Beastmen had found a way to sneak in, so I buffed up and ran to the commotion. All that I found was a group of Mithra Puppetmasters who were "Dancing" for Clink-Clink. I stood back and watched and waited for them to take a break. Once things calmed down I spoke to the leader of the trio.
"Maybe I will talk to you, but I need prrrretty shiney coin to talk to you." I dug deep in my pockets and pulled out a Mythril Coin. "Oooooo Big Shiney, Sparky This nice lady get you Black Mage head." The puppet danced around for a moment.
"Hang on now, you get the Clink-Clink when I get some answers. Why are you here today, are you waiting to protect the citizens of Al Zahbi?"
"No, I am a Puppetmaster, and that means no one wants me and little Sparrrrky here in therrre Parrrties. So I besieged so I can get Ventriloquy." and with that said she snacted the coin from my hand and went back to performing her show.
I heard the same thing from countless Dark Knights, Puppetmasters and Dragoons. It would seem that they are the forgotten children of Vana'diel forced to defend Al Zahbi just to satisify their primal need as adventurers. I feel bad for this Rabid Maute Dogs scavenging EXP by any means nesacarry, but alas, I feel worse for the Warp Taru. These are not the stock that he needs coming to his aide. I think that I will buy him some Goblin Grease next time there is some up at the Auction House. I think he is going to need it.
Group Two: Greed
There has to be more than just the forgotten children of Vana'diel here. I look around me and I see hundreds of people who not the forgotten children. I know that these people obviously don't have trouble getting parties, so maybe they are here to proctect Al Zahbi, to protect the Warp Taru.
I started to wonder around looking from one of these people that I could ask when I saw a Galka holding a tarutaru against the wall. Before I charged in to help I stood back and listened.
"Tell me little smart guy, how much I get?"
"Ouchie-wowchi...." I am not sure if the taru could breath "You do everything you can and you will get the max, about 1800 or so. It depends." The Galka dropped the Tarutaru.
"Now see little smart guy, was that so hard."
"Put me down you brute, you better hope you don't get charmed, because if you do I will Burst II you into obvlion." The Galka dropped the Taru and he went running off.
"Ready to defend Al Zahbi my good monk?"
"I am ready to get rich."
"Come again?"
"This weak Empire is going to make me rich, because they need us to defend their walls. I mean it is not like I am going to lay my life down for honor or any of that garbage. I am a Galka, and we Galka have suffered enough at the hands of lazy Humes and Elvaan, and don't get me started on those Taru, they have messed up their country so much by aligning with those bird-men."
"How does one get rich fighting? I mean this is not our usual escaped where there is untold riches lying in every corpse we create."
"Eh, just like those Rat-dogs running around here I am after the 'Clink-Clink'. I have a man in Nashmau who will lead me to untold riches for the Clink-Clink."
"What about poor Shihu-Danhu, don't you think that it is your job to protect him?"
"Who? and Why?, if the Empire was worried about protecting their people they would have secured the gates long ago. Miss all I want to get is to get enough standing in this joke of a battle to get the 'Clink-Clink' I need to fleece those Hume, Elvaan and Taru fools out of their gil."
Poor Shihu-Danhu. I think I will buy him two pots of Goblin Grease. While I was thinking about poor Shihu a siren went off to alert the another beastmen horde has begun their plans to strike Al Zahbi. This should cause a massive sigh of disgust, but alas an Elvaan was jumping for joy next to me.
"WOOHOO, I AM GOING TO GET RICH OFF THAT LAZY PUPPETMASTER. THANK YOU BEASTMEN!!!"
"Cheering beastmen on, do you have no shame. I would think a fine Elvaan(black hair, nice eyes) like yourself would have better values."
"Hey Lady, it's because of these beastmen that I am able to look so good. There is some dumb Puppetmaster back in the safe zone that is jonsin for a Valoregde frame to turn his little doll into a slash and dice Roppi Doll, and to that he needs coin. I told him that for the right price I would over look his cowardness and get him the coins he needs. I see a Haubrek in my future."
I walked over to Shihu-Danhu and patted him on the back. I asked how his wounds were healing and he said one simple thing "Why do you think I am always standing?" Poor kid, too bad his asshold brother ran him out of the safe zone. I could not handle the greed surrounding me. So I sat off to find if there was anyone who was willing to defend Al Zahbi, No if there was anyone willing to defend the Warp Taru!!!!
Group Three: Skillers
For the many time that I have laid spell and blade up in the defense of Al Zahbi there have been one group of leeches that has always intrigued me. Those lowly youngsters who can do nothing of value to defend Al Zahbi. Why are they here for what reason do they come to die?
I have found that these fools tend to stay in packs chatting in Linkshells about farming behive cheaps so they get there next spell. I stumbled, literly stumbled over a Tarutaru BLM. I looked her over and noticed that she was hiding the level she achieved, but she was wearing a Seer's Robe(not even the HQ one).
"Say kiddo, did you have a hard defeating Maat?"
"Who?"
"You know Maat, the creepy old guy in Jeuno who wants you to go pick up drugs for him."
"Oh, him. I heard people in my linkshell talking about him, but I myself have never meet him." Oh how I longed to play a rousing game of "Punt the Taru" right then.
"You've never met Maat, but you are here to defend Al Zahbi, what can the likes of you do to help my friend Shihu-Danhu out?"
"Defend Al Zahbi, nah. I am here for the skills. The beastmen hordes will help me to hone my skills in Elemental and Dark Magic. If I am lucky there will be some squisy Puks that I cast Dia on to help out Enfeebling Magic." I checked my watch to see that by the time the beastmen made it here it would be Lightsday. *note to self: Burn Down Windurst*
I could not tolerate, I just walked away. I mean, I am a Red Mage, and know that the beastmen horde that is slowly advancing will help me to hone my skills, but alas I am here to defend Al Zahbi, and to defend my friend Shihu-Danhu, but when I lay down my blade it penetrates the flesh of evil with divine justice. When I raise my voice in mighty cast I know that whoever is at the other end of it will be hurting for many days to come. I feel pride in healing the wounds of and the Sky and Galeserpent Generals whose cause I have taken up banner to fight, but alas it was not just one Black Mage, but many. Even White Mages who have taken the vow to do no harm and to heal the wounded were chatting away about honing there Diving Magic. Even my own kind. The Red Mages, Red Mages who cannot even raise up a fallen comrade giddy over what they will obtain in todays onslaught.
I lowered my head in shame, put down my parchments and began to walk the streets of Al Zahbi. I stopped by the Guilds to see Guildmasters' securing their Anvils and Axes. I went to the Chocobo Stable to see the stablemaster preparing who flock, for she knows that with no adventurer prepared to stand in fight for Al Zahbi it maybe some time before she strokes there soft plume again. I walk up Ulthalam's Parade to see a the daughter of the Dice Vendor crying as she is pulled away to safety. Where are the adventurers to see this moment. A child who wonders if their mother will return home at the end of the day. Vendor after vendor packing away their ware, not knowing if they will have the joy of opening their shops again tomorrow. I head to the Bastion, Ground Zero one might say and gaze upon the Generals, poised and ready for battle. Waiting to defend Al Zahbi, waiting to lay down their lives for the people. I stare alittle longer at the Skyserpent. His Beauty will too soon be marred by the Hammer of a Troll. Finally I go back Shinu-Danhu and look him trying to stow himself safely in the crates he calls him home. I must wonder why he stays, why not Flee away from Al Zahbi, give up magic, but no, this is his Home.
I hear the final siren blare as the gates to the bastion come crashing open. The voice of the Skyserpent ringing in my ears. I raise up blade and charge forward into battle.
Being a Red Mage who demands answers I grab some Parchment, Black Ink and pulled a feather from my hat and started to ask around while I waited for the Undead Swarm to break through the Gates of Al Zahbi. I pestered anyone who would stop and talk to me, and I found that no one really gives a shit about Al Zahbi, the desire to besieged is all of a Me, Me, Me affair.
Group One: Nobody Loves Me
First Person I asked was a Dragoon, he was elvaan so the eye was natually drawn to him. He just sort of looked at me and laughed. "This is the only way I can get EXP, I am not lucky like a RDM who barley has to put their flag up to get a party invite. To me this is just a way to actually get to stick my Lance into something." His Wyvern, Rover was sitting obediently by his side, seemed to perk up at the idea of actually geting to kill someting. "I really don't care much about Al Zahbi, I mean this place really needs better security, they can't keep relying on us to keep this place safe."
As I was gathering my notes together from the Dragoon, I tripped over something. I looked down to find I had just stumbled over a tarutaru Dark Knight. After I apologized I ask, "Waiting for your chance to defend Al Zahbi?"
"I don't give a flying Galka about Al Zahbi." he laughed "No one loves the Dark Knight, it has been so long since I have gotten to bloody my blade that I crave the thrill of the fight."
"I like Dark Knights..."
"You are a rare one Miss, I can sit waiting for a Party to ask me for days, Besieged is the only way that I can level, and even in here I have to go at it solo..." He walked away in a huff. 'The Plight of the Dark Knight' I thought to myself. Tragic....
It would seem that no one loved Al Zahbi, or cared for the tiny Warp Taru who is often subjected to {Rear} {Hole} {Penta Thrust} by a burly Troll Destroyer who likes to sing show tunes, No wonder he never gets a chance learn how to Warp people correctly. I was wondering around looking for more people to talk to about this curious situation when I heard a commotion coming from a remote corner of Al Zahbi. I figured that Beastmen had found a way to sneak in, so I buffed up and ran to the commotion. All that I found was a group of Mithra Puppetmasters who were "Dancing" for Clink-Clink. I stood back and watched and waited for them to take a break. Once things calmed down I spoke to the leader of the trio.
"Maybe I will talk to you, but I need prrrretty shiney coin to talk to you." I dug deep in my pockets and pulled out a Mythril Coin. "Oooooo Big Shiney, Sparky This nice lady get you Black Mage head." The puppet danced around for a moment.
"Hang on now, you get the Clink-Clink when I get some answers. Why are you here today, are you waiting to protect the citizens of Al Zahbi?"
"No, I am a Puppetmaster, and that means no one wants me and little Sparrrrky here in therrre Parrrties. So I besieged so I can get Ventriloquy." and with that said she snacted the coin from my hand and went back to performing her show.
I heard the same thing from countless Dark Knights, Puppetmasters and Dragoons. It would seem that they are the forgotten children of Vana'diel forced to defend Al Zahbi just to satisify their primal need as adventurers. I feel bad for this Rabid Maute Dogs scavenging EXP by any means nesacarry, but alas, I feel worse for the Warp Taru. These are not the stock that he needs coming to his aide. I think that I will buy him some Goblin Grease next time there is some up at the Auction House. I think he is going to need it.
Group Two: Greed
There has to be more than just the forgotten children of Vana'diel here. I look around me and I see hundreds of people who not the forgotten children. I know that these people obviously don't have trouble getting parties, so maybe they are here to proctect Al Zahbi, to protect the Warp Taru.
I started to wonder around looking from one of these people that I could ask when I saw a Galka holding a tarutaru against the wall. Before I charged in to help I stood back and listened.
"Tell me little smart guy, how much I get?"
"Ouchie-wowchi...." I am not sure if the taru could breath "You do everything you can and you will get the max, about 1800 or so. It depends." The Galka dropped the Tarutaru.
"Now see little smart guy, was that so hard."
"Put me down you brute, you better hope you don't get charmed, because if you do I will Burst II you into obvlion." The Galka dropped the Taru and he went running off.
"Ready to defend Al Zahbi my good monk?"
"I am ready to get rich."
"Come again?"
"This weak Empire is going to make me rich, because they need us to defend their walls. I mean it is not like I am going to lay my life down for honor or any of that garbage. I am a Galka, and we Galka have suffered enough at the hands of lazy Humes and Elvaan, and don't get me started on those Taru, they have messed up their country so much by aligning with those bird-men."
"How does one get rich fighting? I mean this is not our usual escaped where there is untold riches lying in every corpse we create."
"Eh, just like those Rat-dogs running around here I am after the 'Clink-Clink'. I have a man in Nashmau who will lead me to untold riches for the Clink-Clink."
"What about poor Shihu-Danhu, don't you think that it is your job to protect him?"
"Who? and Why?, if the Empire was worried about protecting their people they would have secured the gates long ago. Miss all I want to get is to get enough standing in this joke of a battle to get the 'Clink-Clink' I need to fleece those Hume, Elvaan and Taru fools out of their gil."
Poor Shihu-Danhu. I think I will buy him two pots of Goblin Grease. While I was thinking about poor Shihu a siren went off to alert the another beastmen horde has begun their plans to strike Al Zahbi. This should cause a massive sigh of disgust, but alas an Elvaan was jumping for joy next to me.
"WOOHOO, I AM GOING TO GET RICH OFF THAT LAZY PUPPETMASTER. THANK YOU BEASTMEN!!!"
"Cheering beastmen on, do you have no shame. I would think a fine Elvaan(black hair, nice eyes) like yourself would have better values."
"Hey Lady, it's because of these beastmen that I am able to look so good. There is some dumb Puppetmaster back in the safe zone that is jonsin for a Valoregde frame to turn his little doll into a slash and dice Roppi Doll, and to that he needs coin. I told him that for the right price I would over look his cowardness and get him the coins he needs. I see a Haubrek in my future."
I walked over to Shihu-Danhu and patted him on the back. I asked how his wounds were healing and he said one simple thing "Why do you think I am always standing?" Poor kid, too bad his asshold brother ran him out of the safe zone. I could not handle the greed surrounding me. So I sat off to find if there was anyone who was willing to defend Al Zahbi, No if there was anyone willing to defend the Warp Taru!!!!
Group Three: Skillers
For the many time that I have laid spell and blade up in the defense of Al Zahbi there have been one group of leeches that has always intrigued me. Those lowly youngsters who can do nothing of value to defend Al Zahbi. Why are they here for what reason do they come to die?
I have found that these fools tend to stay in packs chatting in Linkshells about farming behive cheaps so they get there next spell. I stumbled, literly stumbled over a Tarutaru BLM. I looked her over and noticed that she was hiding the level she achieved, but she was wearing a Seer's Robe(not even the HQ one).
"Say kiddo, did you have a hard defeating Maat?"
"Who?"
"You know Maat, the creepy old guy in Jeuno who wants you to go pick up drugs for him."
"Oh, him. I heard people in my linkshell talking about him, but I myself have never meet him." Oh how I longed to play a rousing game of "Punt the Taru" right then.
"You've never met Maat, but you are here to defend Al Zahbi, what can the likes of you do to help my friend Shihu-Danhu out?"
"Defend Al Zahbi, nah. I am here for the skills. The beastmen hordes will help me to hone my skills in Elemental and Dark Magic. If I am lucky there will be some squisy Puks that I cast Dia on to help out Enfeebling Magic." I checked my watch to see that by the time the beastmen made it here it would be Lightsday. *note to self: Burn Down Windurst*
I could not tolerate, I just walked away. I mean, I am a Red Mage, and know that the beastmen horde that is slowly advancing will help me to hone my skills, but alas I am here to defend Al Zahbi, and to defend my friend Shihu-Danhu, but when I lay down my blade it penetrates the flesh of evil with divine justice. When I raise my voice in mighty cast I know that whoever is at the other end of it will be hurting for many days to come. I feel pride in healing the wounds of and the Sky and Galeserpent Generals whose cause I have taken up banner to fight, but alas it was not just one Black Mage, but many. Even White Mages who have taken the vow to do no harm and to heal the wounded were chatting away about honing there Diving Magic. Even my own kind. The Red Mages, Red Mages who cannot even raise up a fallen comrade giddy over what they will obtain in todays onslaught.
I lowered my head in shame, put down my parchments and began to walk the streets of Al Zahbi. I stopped by the Guilds to see Guildmasters' securing their Anvils and Axes. I went to the Chocobo Stable to see the stablemaster preparing who flock, for she knows that with no adventurer prepared to stand in fight for Al Zahbi it maybe some time before she strokes there soft plume again. I walk up Ulthalam's Parade to see a the daughter of the Dice Vendor crying as she is pulled away to safety. Where are the adventurers to see this moment. A child who wonders if their mother will return home at the end of the day. Vendor after vendor packing away their ware, not knowing if they will have the joy of opening their shops again tomorrow. I head to the Bastion, Ground Zero one might say and gaze upon the Generals, poised and ready for battle. Waiting to defend Al Zahbi, waiting to lay down their lives for the people. I stare alittle longer at the Skyserpent. His Beauty will too soon be marred by the Hammer of a Troll. Finally I go back Shinu-Danhu and look him trying to stow himself safely in the crates he calls him home. I must wonder why he stays, why not Flee away from Al Zahbi, give up magic, but no, this is his Home.
I hear the final siren blare as the gates to the bastion come crashing open. The voice of the Skyserpent ringing in my ears. I raise up blade and charge forward into battle.
For Al Zahbi?
No.
~*~*~FOR THE WARP TARU!!!!!~*~*~
No.
~*~*~FOR THE WARP TARU!!!!!~*~*~
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Mega-Monk Kitty Gets his Eight Fist of Death!!!
Today kiddies we take a peek behind the Mog House door of our favorite Monk Kitty. He(yes, the mighty manthra he is) has been busy as of late, and upon reaching level 71 he went to see a man about some knuckles. Our boy put those knuckles through hell, so much hell he actually broke them. He tried to collect the pieces, but have you ever tried to wood shards our of crab shell? Yea, not so much. So he went back to Oggbi expecting to get a Red Mage sized ass whipping for breaking the knuckles, but Oggbi was actually pretty happy. He stole the knuckles back from our Monk Kitty and gave him some "guides" so he could be rewarded. Thinking he got jipped, but never wanting to pass up and opportunity for loot he made his way down to the Bostaunieux Oubliette.
Now, never fear kiddies our Monk Kitty may be a mindless beater in party, but he has sense when it really counts. Joining the PT was Slasher Kitty, Everyone's Favorite Red Mage and introducing Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate, PEMP for short.. We made our way to San 'd Oria and I pulled on my high waders, because well, RDM AF is Dry Clean only and I do not fathom explaining to my Galka Dry Cleaner why he has to clean poo water out of my shorts. Once we made it down the bowels of the Bostaunieux Oubliette, all the while listening to a Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate screaming "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" while running through poo water, we found that X, well ??? that marks the spot. Before we pulled out our shovels we had to do alittle Bloodsucker removal, PS, anyone wanna be a summoner, One Carby Ruby to anyone who can make here in time. So once we took care of the little Leech problem Monk Kitty shoved his shovel into the mark and all he got was one rather pissed off skeleton who was none to happy to find a shovel inserted into his pelvic bone.
*hits play on the "Benny Hill" chase music"
Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate ran in an began to beat the beat the livening shit out this pissed off boner, Slasher Kitty in normal fashion lined up to do if from behind and once she had her rubber glove on she unloaded a huge can of whoop ass on it. Somewhere during this all hell broke loose and thus the Benny hill chase seen begun. I think at some point I actually saw the skeleton wearing a bra and panties when he did hell slash. PEMP was the first to drop, laughing all the way to the floor. Next was our faithfull Monk Kitty and then Slasher Kitty learned just what poo water tasted like. Soon it was down to me and boner, and let me just say, this Skelly is "different" Chainspell + Cure IV made no dent in him, cept to maybe dislodge the shovel from the his pelvic bone. The shovel which he proceeded to beat the living hell out of me with.
*A Small note to my Dry Cleaner* You will be getting a big bonus at christmas.
I will remember from now on when I head the Bostaunieux Oubliette I will always bring towels with me. After getting everyone pulled up on the legde to air out bit we laydown a plan. This was about the time the leech problem decided to come back and to us that is an oppurtunity. So Monk Kitty dipped down and found the shovel and after rinsing some RDM Blood from it he shoved it back in the ground, and this time the Skelly popped out with shovel sticking out of his skull and PEMP ready to beat it's ass hard, it turns out that Monk Relic is Dry Clean only and his dry cleaner is on cranky ass lil taru who is related to Shantotto. Slasher and Monk Kitty were given a few shots in, but PEMP seemed to have a bone to pick with him. Finally it bones crumpled to the floor and Monk Kitty was able get what he was really looking for.
Monk Kitty returned back to Bastok and was rewarded with his Asuran Fist, and now has his "Mighty Eight Fist of Death"(usually his own). Slasher Kitty went back to her Mog House and sprayed the chunks out of her SAM Armor. I bribed my Dry Cleaner with a fresh box of tarutaru treats. Oh, Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate was recently seen Mooning Kirin and run naked in The Garden of Ru'Hmet screaming "weeeeeeeeee I feel the breeze!"
*And if you see a naked elvaan in The Garden of Ru'Hmet, don't worry he is just proof that not all psychotics are dangerous.
Now, never fear kiddies our Monk Kitty may be a mindless beater in party, but he has sense when it really counts. Joining the PT was Slasher Kitty, Everyone's Favorite Red Mage and introducing Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate, PEMP for short.. We made our way to San 'd Oria and I pulled on my high waders, because well, RDM AF is Dry Clean only and I do not fathom explaining to my Galka Dry Cleaner why he has to clean poo water out of my shorts. Once we made it down the bowels of the Bostaunieux Oubliette, all the while listening to a Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate screaming "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" while running through poo water, we found that X, well ??? that marks the spot. Before we pulled out our shovels we had to do alittle Bloodsucker removal, PS, anyone wanna be a summoner, One Carby Ruby to anyone who can make here in time. So once we took care of the little Leech problem Monk Kitty shoved his shovel into the mark and all he got was one rather pissed off skeleton who was none to happy to find a shovel inserted into his pelvic bone.
*hits play on the "Benny Hill" chase music"
Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate ran in an began to beat the beat the livening shit out this pissed off boner, Slasher Kitty in normal fashion lined up to do if from behind and once she had her rubber glove on she unloaded a huge can of whoop ass on it. Somewhere during this all hell broke loose and thus the Benny hill chase seen begun. I think at some point I actually saw the skeleton wearing a bra and panties when he did hell slash. PEMP was the first to drop, laughing all the way to the floor. Next was our faithfull Monk Kitty and then Slasher Kitty learned just what poo water tasted like. Soon it was down to me and boner, and let me just say, this Skelly is "different" Chainspell + Cure IV made no dent in him, cept to maybe dislodge the shovel from the his pelvic bone. The shovel which he proceeded to beat the living hell out of me with.
*A Small note to my Dry Cleaner* You will be getting a big bonus at christmas.
I will remember from now on when I head the Bostaunieux Oubliette I will always bring towels with me. After getting everyone pulled up on the legde to air out bit we laydown a plan. This was about the time the leech problem decided to come back and to us that is an oppurtunity. So Monk Kitty dipped down and found the shovel and after rinsing some RDM Blood from it he shoved it back in the ground, and this time the Skelly popped out with shovel sticking out of his skull and PEMP ready to beat it's ass hard, it turns out that Monk Relic is Dry Clean only and his dry cleaner is on cranky ass lil taru who is related to Shantotto. Slasher and Monk Kitty were given a few shots in, but PEMP seemed to have a bone to pick with him. Finally it bones crumpled to the floor and Monk Kitty was able get what he was really looking for.
Monk Kitty returned back to Bastok and was rewarded with his Asuran Fist, and now has his "Mighty Eight Fist of Death"(usually his own). Slasher Kitty went back to her Mog House and sprayed the chunks out of her SAM Armor. I bribed my Dry Cleaner with a fresh box of tarutaru treats. Oh, Psycho Elvaan Monk Pirate was recently seen Mooning Kirin and run naked in The Garden of Ru'Hmet screaming "weeeeeeeeee I feel the breeze!"
*All Hail Monk Kitty and his Eight Fist of Death, Congrats on Asuarn Fist*
*And if you see a naked elvaan in The Garden of Ru'Hmet, don't worry he is just proof that not all psychotics are dangerous.
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