"I hardly think that Pole Dancing in Selbina Butter has anything to do with my skills in battle, but thank you for enjoying my show." she said without even stopping.
"While I find your skills on the 'Stage' to be impressive." he said with a sly grin, "I refer to your reputation in battle." Our young Samurai stopped to listen to what the old man had to say.
"I have heard many great things about how your skilled hands grip the shaft of a polarm, and I think that you talents are just what I need to help train the young Knights."
"Really"
"Yes, I want you to test a new 'Training Exercise' I have created and hope to use on the Knights one day."
"Why me?"
"I feel that your skilled hands have what it takes to work this polearm to it's full potential" She took the Polearm and left to head back to her Mog House, the only thought that was running through her mind was "What, No Butter?"
Several days later she emerged from her Mog House, arms stronger and jaw sore. She has "worked" the Polearm so well that she had um... "rubbed" some of the San d'Orian Royal Symbols off of the pole. She returned to Balasiel and he was, well let's say not to pleased.
"For the Love of Altana I expected you to hone this pole in battle!"
"Um.. some better instructions would have helped."
"This is what I get for trusting a Bastokian to aide the Royal Knights."
"Well... Lets see, you see me dance and then give me a pole to play with, what did you expect me to do."
"Here..." he shoved some papers into her hands. "This is for your punishment. I need to sterilize this pole so it may once again be used by the Royal Knights. So it is up to you to bring me back a special cleanser. Do that and I might be willing to give you a reward."
"um.. okay."
That kiddies is when our little Samurai came knocking at my Mog House door.
"Open up." I was at the time having an argument with my moogle over the fact that he will not stop rearranging my mannequins. "Come on, open up."
"What did you do this time?"
"What do you mean? Why do you always think I have done something wrong, can't a kitty just want to visit her favorite Red Mage?"
"Uh-huh... because when kitty just wants to visit she tends to use the key I gave her."
"Damn... okay, yea I messed up. I have managed to anger San d'Oria"
"San d'Oria is a nation."
"Yea I know, but when you 'ruin' an item belonging to the Temple Knights you tend to piss people off."
"..."
"So...anyway... I have this map, and I need to go retrieve something. You and I both know how this works, so I need my Red Mage. You in?"
"Hmm... let's see, possible death and damnation to a fell a foe greater than us? Sure I'm in, under one condition. NO SEWERS!!! If I bring my dry cleaner one more poo water stained pair of shorts, I will have to do Windurst to get my pants cleaned."
"Yea and we know how often you need your shorts cleaned, but don't worry, no sewers this time."
"Just gather the troops before I send you to The Vahzal Gate Crystal on a level one job."
"As for you..." I turned to my Moogle. "you move another manaquinn around and I will have Moogle Pie for dinner."
"but Kupo, your Mog House is aglow with Peace and Love."
"Uh-huh, just remember that my Knives are aglow with sharpness."
It took our little Samurai some time to gather the troops since most of the usual suspects were still wondering how she could piss off an entire nation, but alas she was able to find a couple of people who were willing to aide her cause. The first that she found was Friend Formally known as Samurai Friend, he stars today as: "Paladin Flavored Meat Shield" and he brings along with him "White Meat Girlfriend" as "White Mage Flavored Tarutaru Pop."
A few teleports and a chocobo ride later we landed at the first part of our destination, Sea Serpent Grotto. I was giving our little Samurai the evil eye.
"What, you said now Sewers, this is not a sewer."
"IT'S A SWAMP!!!!"
"Technically it is a Grotto." chimed in Formerly
"I don't see the girls of Playhume running around here, nor do I see Hume Hefner handing me a drink, so this kiddies is a swamp. I will have you know that I am dragging you all to meet Bloody Iron and you can explain why he is cleaning Shaghrin Poo out of my shorts."
"Just follow me." said Samurai kitty, trying to quell my rage a bit.
Once very long walk later we reached a door, a very Ortamented Door. In fact I think I will come out here and mug of Sahagrin since it seems that they have the 'clink-clink' I am looking for.
*Red Mage Cast "Door Open"*
"Big-Fancy Door Reisit the Spell*
"Okay, who has the keys?" All eyes landed on SK who has one of those "Chocobo hit with Flash" looks about her.
"No one told me I needed a key..." So we headed off on a little detour to Norg.
Formerly, White Meat and Me grabbed a cup of Opo-Opa brew in bar while SK went off to see about a key. After some chatting it does seem that someone had a spare key, but it was going to cost her to get it. So she headed out alone while I put Paladin Vitality to the test. I ordered up a bottle of Rolanberry 864 and couple of Glasses.
"So let's see if Paladin's are have as much Vitality as everyone claims." I sat down a glass in front of each of us. "Here are the group rules, No Spells, no abilities. White Meat over there will keep score, we drink one for one till the ticker is done. Last one still standing wins."
The first three shots went down smooth, then Formerly tried to cheat.
"Sentinel, what's a matter saying that you can't win this?"
"It was an accident"
"Sure...keep drinking pally."
Three more drinks went down and Formerly was starting to look like he was Formerly know as being sober.
"Aww I thought Paladin's were known for there vitality"
"I...fink...you are...chebing...I fink you've got stomeslim."
Two more drinks went down when I heard a chirp in my ear. It was SK on the linkpearl.
"Um... Raise Can I have it?"
"What in the name of Altana happened."
"Crab..."
"What is it with you and crabs..." I slammed down my last drink.
"Sorry hun, we have to call this one a draw." Not so much a draw since Formerly was slumped over in his chair mumbling about two Galka and a mithra walking into a bar.
"What do you means a draw. I whus winning."
"Only in your mind hun." I stood up without even needing an erase. Brushed some rock salt off my Tabard and headed out into the Swamp...I mean Grotto.
Back up to my ankles in leech dropping I found where SK was tasting Dirt. Before me stood the crab that had taking a chunk out SK's rear. It did not last long under the blade of a Red Mage and soon I skewered a little crab meat and had a little seafood shish-ka-bob. I left SK to finishing getting her key, and went back to Norg to see how Formerly was recovering.
Let's just say things back in Norg were not as good as I had hoped. Formerly was up on a table in the bar swearing that he could Shield Bash any man in this room, and somehow he had lost his pants. I swirled down a Blinding Potion while White Meat, WM for Short, ordered up some Imperial Coffee and a couple of Vile Elixirs. A half a pot of coffee later and we got our dear Paladin off of the table and back into his pants, which was good since it was about the time the Blinding potion wore off. Right about the time that WM gave up and just started casting erase is when SK tumbled in through the door, wet and muddy, but she had a key. It was time to set out and finally retrieve SK's much need cleanser.
"Sober Paladin?" Formerly was up, coherent and thankfully fully clothed.
"Check" He responded sounding only slightly foggy, "don't worry the walk there will shake off the rest of it."
"Key to big Fancy Do...Hey get that out of your mouth." I look over to see SK "lubricating" the key. "Your mouth has gotten you into enough trouble."
"Check." she mumbled
"White Meat?" I looked around for WM, "Um... who ate the Tarutaru Pop?"
"Down here." Opps, should of checked behind the Paladin. "Check"
"One Lovely and Fabulous Red Mage...Che-ck."
Arm-in-arm we skipped through the swamp singing "We're off to get the Cleanser, the wonderful cleanser of jizz..."
Finally we had found the "moist" hole that SK was to retrieve the "cleanser" from. Knowing that things are never as easy as they seem, we were ready for any surprises that came our way, and all I can say is, we thought we actually found something that screw better than Slasher Kitty, well at least screwdriver. The good news is that Formerly's vitality held up better here than back in the bar. The joys of being in a swamp showed through, poor WM thought that her Barwater was not working, but it turned out to be a drip in the ceiling. The battle was pitched, the Water Leaper kept trying to screwdriver are dear SK, but her powers were mightier, since she absorbed it like it was nothing. Finally the beast fell and SK was once again "searching" a moist hole, this time however she found a bottle of "Splash Breath Sanitizer and Degreaser" One teleport later I free myself from the swamp and decied that I it must be my place in life to fund the my dry cleaner's children's college education.
The green fields of La Theine Plateau were a welcomed change to the Swamp, I mean Grotto that we has poofed out of. WM mumbled something about taking formerly home and getting him some Remedy, or was it hair of the Galka and putting him to bed. I was not to sure since I was more interested in the reason SK was getting naked in front of the Chocobo Lady.
"Um..."
"What I like the way the Chocobo Feather feel against my skin." At that point I knew it was going to be a long trip back to San d'Oria. I paid my gill and hoped my bird as "Mithra Godiva" did the same and we made our way back to San d'Oria.
SK headed off to try to get back into San d'Oria's good graces I head to the mog for a much deserved change of clothes, Thinking that this ordeal was finally over. No sooner did I get behind the Tarutaru Folding screen did the Link start beeping.
"Um.. Are new weapon skills supposed to come with pictures?" SK beeped in my ear.
"Not last time I checked."
"Balasiel and the Prince just took my picture."
"Just take your prize and meet me at the docks, let get back to Bastok before you piss anyone else off."
Several Weeks Later.
Things in Vana'diel had relaxed. SK was no longer persona non grata in San d'Oria. Formerly keeps calling me looking for a rematch in Norg, WM keeps a stack of Remedy in her bag for next time we all set off. Myself, I sit in the courtyard of the
"So how goes training?" I asked pour another cup of tea.
"Improved greatly actually."
"Oh?"
"Yes, we have just started a new training program."
"Oh, yet another 'We are better than everyone else' plan I take it?"
"No, we have been studying Polearm. Trion and Balasiel came up with a new plan." I spit tea across the blanket.
"Um... you said you were studying Polearm with a new training method?"
"Yes, I am really 'Polishing' my skills since we started. Hell, I can't wait to get home at night and work my Polearm now."
"Just what does this new plan entail?"
"Here take a look, I think you will understand this." he reached into his bag and handed a training manual. "I am not supposed to share this with people so please don't tell anyone."
I looked at the manual and, to be honest I was not surprised....
New Training Manual
**************
Yea, this WSNM was not as eventful as the others I have, but when I saw:
Impulse Drive Text
I could not resist a little fun.
Thank you to everyone who helped that day and....
